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Jokes

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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Post: #8291
RE: Jokes
The Mrs has left me because I'm too insecure...

No, wait she's back...

She was just making a cup of tea.
03-03-2018 18:46
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8292
RE: Jokes
My wife said "You'll never guess who I saw in town!"

"OK then" I said.

"I'll carry on watching the football"
03-03-2018 18:48
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8293
RE: Jokes
My girlfriend has been working out a lot recently.

For instance, today she worked out that I've been shagging her sister.
03-03-2018 20:25
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8294
RE: Jokes
My girlfriend said what would really be a nice birthday surprise was if I got her something to run around in.

So I bought her a tracksuit.
03-03-2018 20:34
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8295
RE: Jokes
"Mum! I'm going out!"

You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt!!

"Why?"

Because I can see your balls, Richard.
03-03-2018 20:37
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8296
RE: Jokes
I had a fight with a man on some moving stairs today..

It started at the bottom and just escalated from there.
03-03-2018 20:39
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8297
RE: Jokes
Why do women think its ok to leave their bedroom curtains open when they are getting undressed, then start screaming "You pervert!", because you looked.

This happened to me last night, and I was that shocked, I almost fell out of the tree.
04-03-2018 17:44
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8298
RE: Jokes
"Mummy, where do babies come from?"

"Well, daddies make sperm and put it inside mummies."

"Do mummies eat it?"

"Only if they want new shoes!"
05-03-2018 22:44
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
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Post: #8299
RE: Jokes
Dad’s advice some years ago; “If you get into a fight in the pub, put a snooker ball in your sock.”

Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk!
06-03-2018 22:49
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8300
RE: Jokes
What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise.
07-03-2018 11:33
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