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Jokes

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Cheesy Grin Offline
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Post: #8351
RE: Jokes
I woke up with a face full of rice.

I must have fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pilau.
29-04-2018 17:02
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
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Post: #8352
RE: Jokes
Heard about the dyslexic drug dealer?

Tried selling me an 'F'
30-04-2018 22:00
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
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Post: #8353
RE: Jokes
I think my wife sells drugs?

As I was leaving the phone rang.

When I answered it the bloke on the other end said "has that dope gone yet?"
30-04-2018 22:01
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8354
RE: Jokes
I spent ages trying to cross a busy road...

A passer-by said, "There's a pelican crossing up the road".

I replied "I hope he's having better luck than me"
01-05-2018 10:16
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
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Post: #8355
RE: Jokes
My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a rodger.

I was scrambling out of my jeans, when she explained she wanted someone to help pay the rent!.
02-05-2018 09:25
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
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Post: #8356
RE: Jokes
In light of the proposed merger between Asda And Sainsbury's it has just been announced that Poundstretcher and Marks & Spencer's are to merge too.

It will now be known as Stretch Marks.
03-05-2018 16:49
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8357
RE: Jokes
I went back to the card shop yesterday and said, "Do you sell bereavement cards?"

"Yes we do." replied the assistant.

"Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?"
03-05-2018 16:50
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
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Post: #8358
RE: Jokes
Wish me luck.

I'm off to speak to the bank manager today, and if things work out for me my life will change dramatically - I'm talking millions here.

I'm so excited I can hardly get this balaclava over my head.
06-05-2018 18:57
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
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Post: #8359
RE: Jokes
Went to the Doctors today complaining of strange voices coming from my underpants.

The Doctor said, "ignore them, they're talking bollocks"
11-05-2018 22:32
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Cheesy Grin Offline
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Post: #8360
RE: Jokes
Doctor: "Have you been getting enough exercise?"

Me: "Does sex count as exercise?"

Doctor: "Yes."

Me: "No!"
11-05-2018 22:33
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