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Jokes

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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Post: #8361
RE: Jokes
I'm on a health kick. I've decided to stop using the drive-thru at McDonald's!

I'm going to park the car and walk in.
11-05-2018 22:36
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8362
RE: Jokes
Does anyone want to join my javelin club?

I’m just throwing it out there.
12-05-2018 21:01
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8363
RE: Jokes
My son is three years old and yesterday I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket. Now, I didn't buy it and he certainly didn't buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre and let him loose in the jewellers.
13-05-2018 14:08
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8364
RE: Jokes
I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.
13-05-2018 14:16
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8365
RE: Jokes
My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn't help but admire it.

"Nice car," I said as he got out.

"Well," he said, noticing my admiring looks. "Work hard, put the hours in, and this time next year I'll have an even better one!"
14-05-2018 22:05
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8366
RE: Jokes
I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early.

She told me to use the back door and I’d have to be quick...

In hindsight I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that!
15-05-2018 10:31
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8367
RE: Jokes
My wife left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore, I'm going to my mums house!" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. What is she talking about?
15-05-2018 10:40
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8368
RE: Jokes
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit.

A minute later, some guy did exactly the same.

I said to him, "I just did that!"

So he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard!
15-05-2018 10:44
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
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Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8369
RE: Jokes
Prince Harry says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding.

Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a fuck, he's still going!
15-05-2018 21:55
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Cheesy Grin Offline
Losing the will
*****

Posts: 5,964
Joined: Sep 2010
Reputation: 157
Post: #8370
RE: Jokes
My brother was so mean when I was a child.

He used to glue the pages of his porn magazines together so I couldn't look at them.
15-05-2018 22:06
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