Sorry about that, if work didn't get in the way we could have a wonderful time
OK, so you move into a flat/house and you want to watch the babeshows on satellite. If there is a dish/feed already there all you need to do is connect up a box and away you go.
Anybody who wants to get Sky will need to contact them BUT bear in mind if you have a shared/communal feed, or if there is only one cable coming in SKY+ (or non-Sky boxes with built in recorders) WILL NOT WORK PROPERLY. You need a separate second feed. You can watch them ok but you cannot record a second programme. There is no way around this and splitting the feed in two won't work either.
If you don't want Sky, the easiest and cheapest way forward is to get a digital free-to-air (FTA) receiver, but there are a few channels you won't be able to get, such as 5*, 5 USA and Sky 3 (normal Channel 5 is ok).
A basic FTA receiver will give you BBC 1,2,3,4 ITV 1,2,3,4 and their +1s (nb: a few of the ITV 1+1 regions aren't on there), Channel/E/More/Film 4 and their +1s, Channel 5, S4C and Alba, all the other BBC 1, 2 and ITV regions, the BBC "Red Button" channels, CBS Reality, Drama and Action, BBC News, BBC Parliament, Sky News, CNN, CNBC, Euronews, True Movies, Movies for Men, Zone Horror, Travel Channel and Food Network. There are also the English-language overseas news services from Russia, France, China, Japan and the Middle-East, about 30 shopping channels, 20 religious (of various faiths), 30 mainly Asian foreign language services, a few odds and ends, a couple of gaming channels.....and the babes (you can also get a couple of hundred Radio stations including BBC radio 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, WS and the main UK commercial stations).
As for the babes, as I said above you can get 3 Babestation, 3 Redlight, 2 Honey, 2 Elite, Sportxxx, 40+, 3 channels that we do not talk about, Asian Babes and Club Bob. You won't get the channels that transmit babes during the daytime but subscription porn overnight so for example you won't get the Elite dayshow on ch 900 but you will get 914 and 965 24 hours.
A basic receiver can be bought new for as little as £40 and are readily available in many electronics shops such as Maplins (you'll find them cheaper on the net or the local paper or the 2nd hand/cashconverter type shops) but as with anything you only get what you pay for.
Cheaper models usually only have one scart socket so if you have other electronic/hi-fi/home entertainment gizmos that is something to consider. Also, how important is having an EPG? - some have none, others have up to 7 days, but the most important thing to remember is that you won't be able to subscribe to ANY other channels, be it SKY Sports, music, movies, horse racing, Man Utd, pay-per-view boxing/wrestling or whatever. Many non-Sky boxes will have a card socket and "built-in decoder" but these WILL NOT WORK with Sky, they are aimed at the European market, and remember that if you only have one feed those with built-in recorders will not work properly either.
Right, so you've got your box home. Did you remember to buy a connector cable if your feed comes from the wall? Look closely, it's probably (and appropriately!) a "screw-in" type, not the "plug in" type you're used to with televisions. OK, so you've gone back out and got the lead (!), and plugged it all in.
Now the actual set-up details will vary from model to model so I'm afraid you'll just have to read the manual, but most receivers will have the main frequencies pre-set and the box set to a UHF channel for your TV. One thing to note is that whilst SKY boxes automatically set up the channels logically and together(101 = BBC1, 102 = BBC2, 103 = ITV1, Babes from 900 - 967 etc) an FTA will initially almost certainly set them up in frequency order, so BBC 1 might be on ch 275, ITV on 56, Babestation on 362 and Club Bob on 27 etc Most receivers have the option to customise the list, put them in the order you want and delete any that you never watch that are a nuisance (don't worry, you can get them back if you make a mistake) but you have to do this manually.
That only leaves tuning. For the technophobes among you let's use an analogy - suppose you were tuning an FM radio. In analogue days you would just tune to, say, 94.3 mHz and away you go. Now, with digital, a dozen or more stations might all be on 94.3 and that grouping is called a transponder. As I say, most transponders are automatically set up but any that slip through or new ones can be added manually. As well as the frequency (a 5 digit number between 10000 and 12750), you have to put in a polarity (either Horizontal or Vertical), a symbol rate (always 22000 or 27500 in the UK, sometimes abbreviated to 22 or 27.5) and an FEC rate (either 1/2, 3/4, 5/6 or 7/8 but some tuners have an “auto” setting).
There is also the myth of manual tuning. There is nothing illegal whatsoever in manually adding channels, and the notion that you can somehow manually add subscription channels is a COMPLETE MYTH. Let's go back to the radio analogy and imagine that SKY make FM radios. You switch it on but when you try and tune it in the dial only covers 88 - 99 mHz, not the usual 88 - 108. What a coincidence it would be if the SKY package channels were all in this limited range! You dig through the manual and find that the non-Sky stations on the 99 - 108 frequencies are available, but to tune them in you have to bury the radio in peat for six weeks, avoid the warning that says “beware of the leopard”, navigate through a complicated and unfriendly menu etc etc.... most people wouldn't bother, and SKY know this!
The only other thing to remember is that you may switch on one day and find a particular channel gone, or moved from 18 to 147 etc. That is because channels move around for various reasons but whereas a SKY box will update automatically an FTA has to be periodically re-scanned (those of you with terrestrial freeview will be familiar with this concept).
Apologies to the technically literate as that is a very simplistic explanation but I hope it helps.
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