Jokes

Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

I hate it when the clocks go forward an hour. It means for a week afterwards I get my usual wake-up erection when I'm on the bus to work!

Here’s a funny joke story for you:

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a kingdom known for its love for humor. The king, a jolly man, loved to laugh and had a unique tradition. Every year, he would invite jesters from all over the kingdom to tell him a joke. The jester who told the funniest joke would be awarded a bag of gold.

One year, a simple farmer named Bob decided to participate. He was known in his village for his wit and humor. On the day of the competition, Bob stood before the king and began his joke:

“Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm?” Bob asked.

The king, intrigued, shook his head. “I don’t know, why don’t we tell secrets on a farm?”

“Because,” Bob paused for dramatic effect, “the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.”

The entire court erupted into laughter. The king, laughing so hard that tears streamed down his face, declared Bob the winner. From that day forward, Bob was known throughout the kingdom as the funniest farmer, and he lived happily (and laughingly) ever after. The end.

Once upon a time, there was a guy named Robbie who was known for his lack of handiness. He was dating a girl named Lisa, who was quite the opposite - she was a DIY enthusiast and loved fixing things around the house.

One day, Lisa asked Robbie to help her assemble a new bookshelf she had bought. Robbie, wanting to impress Lisa, agreed to help. He was determined to prove that he wasn’t as lame as everyone thought.

Lisa handed Robbie the instructions and all the pieces. Robbie looked at the instructions, then at the pieces, then back at the instructions. He was completely lost. He tried to fit a piece here and a piece there, but nothing seemed to work. The bookshelf just wouldn’t “get it up”.

Seeing Robbie struggle, Lisa couldn’t help but laugh. She decided to step in and within minutes, the bookshelf was standing tall and sturdy. Robbie looked at Lisa in awe and said, “Well, I guess some things are just harder to get up than others!”

They both laughed and from that day forward, Robbie decided to leave the assembling to Lisa. And as for Lisa, she didn’t mind at all. She loved Robbie for who he was, even if he couldn’t get a bookshelf up.

First old lady to second old lady: " My joints have been really stiff lately"
Second old lady to first old lady: " I told you before, you're rolling them too tightly".