Jokes

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about screaming, "I don't need you now!!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in!

(26-09-2017 17:28 )Cheesy Grin Wrote:  My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about screaming, "I don't need you now!!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in!

The milkman?

You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.

How do you cut the Roman Empire in half?

With a pair of Caesars!

A man tried to sell me a coffin today...

I told him that's the last thing I need.

My mate's Mrs was dancing on a table

"Good legs"

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes, most other tables would've collapsed under that weight."

If I was a plastic surgeon...

I would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road'

My wife has packed her bags and gone!!

Just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.