Jokes

What do you call an Alien who eats too much cheese, egg yolks and animal fat?

An extra-cholesterol.

I recently watched my wedding video backwards

I love it when I take the ring off her finger, leave the church & go drinking with my friends

I caught the wife masturbating during a Rowan Atkinson movie earlier.

She loves a good Bean flick.

My nephew fell asleep at a house party

I thought it was funny to shave his eyebrows off

But my sister went mad when she looked in his pram

My penis is like a toaster.

If the crumpet is too fat it won't pop up!

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked

I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived

My mate reckons he always cries after sex.

I thought he was just really emotional!

Then I remembered... he's in prison.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia?

She whispered, "They're behind you!"

A woman walked into a library & asked for a book on euphemisms

The librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it.

My bum was sore after a curry.

The wife said "ringsting"

I said 'why?, what will he know about it?"