Jokes

At the supermarket the checkout girl asked me if I had a bag for life.

I said "Yes, but she prefers the term wife."

I like to wear my glasses when I'm having sex.

That way my eyes are protected from the pepper spray.

The last time Germany were knocked out of the World Cup at the group stage was in 1938.

Lets hope they dont take it as badly this time!

I've just burnt my Hawaiian Pizza, I must turn the oven down a bit a- loha!

All my German friends have blocked me since Germany’s exit from the World Cup !

My phone is now completely Hans Free.

Have you heard the band 999 mb?

You probably havent as they havent got a gig yet.

Spain completed 850 passes in their world cup game the other night.

The only way England could equal that is if we put Harry kane on mastermind.

It really is scorching this weather!

Ive just seen a Goth take off his coat!

The inventor of the throat lozenges has died today.

They'll be no coffin at his funeral.

Me and the wife stopped at the motorway services recently for some breakfast. We got two fry ups, two coffees and two jam doughnuts. I got to the cashier and I said, "I'm sorry, love, but I only have a £50 note." "That's okay," she said, "just put the doughnuts back."