Jokes

If anyone wants leaflets about the treatment of hemorrhoids..........I've got piles.

I was mugged by an acupuncturist, I was stabbed four hundred times.

Woke up next morning.

Felt great

I'm sure my mate Dave is having an affair with my wife...

He's been proper miserable lately!

People treat me like a god.

They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Tommy Cooper again.
"I went to the doctors the other day, I said can you give me something for the wind. He gave me a kite and I blew out the door!"

And a real oldie. I used to be a werewolf...but I'm alright noooooow!"

(24-09-2018 17:15 )GreenMachine Wrote:  Tommy Cooper again.
"I went to the doctors the other day, I said can you give me something for the wind. He gave me a kite and I blew out the door!"

And a real oldie. I used to be a werewolf...but I'm alright noooooow!"

Keep the Tommy Cooper one's coming Green Machine.
He made you laugh just by looking at him, didn't have to say anything at all

I don't remember that many but here's another.
My feet were killing me the other day... I woke up and they were round my neck!
One by the late, great Sir Ken Dodd: "What a beautiful day, what a beautiful day for running into the Kremlin and shouting "Is Lenin?"

(24-09-2018 21:36 )GreenMachine Wrote:  I don't remember that many but here's another.
My feet were killing me the other day... I woke up and they were round my neck!
One by the late, great Sir Ken Dodd: "What a beautiful day, what a beautiful day for running into the Kremlin and shouting "Is Lenin?"

Whilst I was reading the Doddy one, I just had a quiet chuckle as I pctured him on stage doing his routine.
It's true what various posters say that you can't turn the clock back, but at least with memories and sites like YouTube etc, you can make the clock stand still for as long as you like.

(24-09-2018 21:44 )Foggy Mainwaring Wrote:  Whilst I was reading the Doddy one, I just had a quiet chuckle as I pctured him on stage doing his routine.
It's true what various posters say that you can't turn the clock back, but at least with memories and sites like YouTube etc, you can make the clock stand still for as long as you like.

Both a sad loss to comedy. Another of Dodd's. "What a beautiful day, what a beautiful day, for sticking ice cream down your girlfriends' tights and saying how's that for a knickerbockerglory!"

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself... I really need to wash some mugs.