Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

From the Simpsons House of Horror;

Bart and Lisa: "Dad, Dad something horrible's happened...."

Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"

Bart/Lisa: "No...."

Homer: "Well, did you raise the dead?"

Bart / Lisa: "YES"

Homer: "But the car's okay?"

From South Park

Cartman: "Mom! The cat's being a dildo."

Mrs Cartman: "Well I know one kitty-kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight."

South Park:

Eric Cartman: Alright, look. I didn't want to have to say this, but I think maybe we're not seeing Heaven because *one* of us doesn't believe in it enough.
Kyle Broflovski: Huh?
Eric Cartman: Heaven could be like the Pixie-Faries of Bubble-Yum Forest: you only see them if you really believe in them.
Stan Marsh: What?
Eric Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing Heaven because one of us is a J-O-O...?
Kyle Broflovski: What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?
Eric Cartman: Because Jews don't believe in Heaven!
Kyle Broflovski: Yes, we do! Just not the Christian Heaven.
Eric Cartman: Right; your idea of Heaven is getting five dollars off your matzoh ball soup at Barney's Beanery by lying about a hair in it.
Kyle Broflovski: YAAAAAAH! [Punches Cartman]

From Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry David: Scum-sucking motherfucking whore!
Jeff Greene: Cock! Cock! Jism! Grandma! Cock!
Michael York: Bum! Fuck, turd, fart... cunt, piss, shit, bugger and balls!
Restaurant Manager: Dammit... hell... crap... ssssssshit!
Cheryl: Ya goddamn motherfuckin' bitch!
Susie Greene: Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT!

From Airplane

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar.

Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?

Ted Striker: I can't tell you that - it's classified.

And

Young boy with tray: Excuse me I happened to be passing and I thought you might like some coffee.

Young girl: Oh that's very nice of you, thank you. Won't you sit down?

Young boy: Cream?

Young girl: No thank you, I take it black. Like my men.

Dirty Harry

Harry: Uh-huh. I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots, or only five?!
Well, to tell the truth, in all this excitement I've kind of lost track myself. But this being a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and could blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky"? Well, do you punk?

Harry cautiously picks up the baddy's dropped shotgun; turns and walks away.
Hoodlum: Hey!!! I got to Know!!!

Harry ambles back, raises the .44 and aims right at the shit-scared Hoodlum's face.
Harry fires; nothing.
Hoodlum: Son-of-a-bitch!

From one of my fav movies Bubba Ho-Tep

Elvis: Ask not what your rest home can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rest home.
JFK: Hey, you're copying my best lines!
Elvis: Then let me paraphrase one of my own. Let's take care of business.
JFK: Just what are you getting at, Elvis?
Elvis: I think you know what I'm gettin' at Mr. President. We're gonna kill us a mummy.


Elvis: You fuck off ya patronizin bitch! I'm sick'a yer shit! I'll lube my own crankshaft from now on. You treat me like a baby again I'll wrap this goddamn walker right around yer head!

Elvis: No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.
JFK: They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!

From American dad- Pulling Double Booty

Bill (Stan Double):"Look at Hailey, Stan she the greatest, real pretty too"
Stan: "Aah she alright, you want to see something really hot (points to Francine in a bikini) check out her momma now that a woman! (to Bill) Bill you ever pull it in the great big blue?
(Off Bill's expression) "Hey don't judge, wipe that look off my face!"

Kindergarden Cop - early Arnie movie

Kimble just sucker-punch one dude, then head butt the other.
Black Dude near car: Damn:
John Kimble: (turn round) "Oh, Excuse me, allow me to introduce myself (pull shot-gun out of long coat) My name is John Kimble (Cocks shot-gun) and i love ma car!!
Scare Black dude: "Yo, man i just keep an i on it for you alright"

From The Lost Boys

"Now you know what we are,
Now you know what you are.
You'll never grow old Michael and you'll never die, but you must feed."