Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

BC: "Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."
HS: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

From the brilliant Spaced

Tim: You're scared of mice and spiders, but oh-so-much greater is your fear that one day the two species will cross-breed to form an all-powerful race of mice-spiders, who will immobilize human beings in giant webs in order to steal cheese.
Daisy: I never said that.
Tim: Yeah, but it'd be good though, wouldn't it?
Daisy: No


Mike: Wanna go back into your party?
Tim: But they were playing 'The Time Warp'! I hate 'The Time Warp'!
Mike: Daisy likes it.
Tim: I don't care! I hate it! It's boil-in-the-bag perversion for sexually repressed accountants and first-year drama students with too many posters of Betty Blue, The Blues Brothers, Big Blue and Blue Velvet on their blue bloody walls!

Daisy:: You're up early.
Tim: Oh, I haven't been to bed. Me and Mike met up with these two Scottish guys in the pub and they gave us all this cheap speed.
Daisy: Oh Tim, that's so tacky.
Tim: Yeah I know, but y'know they were so nice... I think if we'd said no they'd have got offended and beaten us to death with a pool cue

Daisy: Right, I'm going to the shops. D'you want anything?
Tim: Porn.
Daisy: Tim, I'm not going to buy you porn. You can get it from railway sidings like everybody else.
Tim: I can't, I'm an adult. I'm supposed to leave it there.

From Spaced

Marsha: "Kiss. My. Arse."

It works better with the voice.

from Im Alan Partridge:

Alan: Now I must say I’m very grateful you’ve come over – big fans of all the Irish…stuff. Love your pop music, Enya, and the other one – ripped up the Pope, bald chap? And I think… that’s it.
Aidan: Well, there’s U2, of course.
Alan: Oh, well, yeah. Fantastic. ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday’. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn’t it? You wake up in the morning, you’ve got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you’ve got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think “Sunday, bloody Sunday!”

"surely you can't be serious"
"i am... and don't call me shirley"

airplane (i think... i'm sort of going by memory)

Johnny Ringo: [steps up to Doc] And you must be Doc Holliday.
Doc Holliday: That's the rumor.
Johnny Ringo: You retired too?
Doc Holliday: Not me. I'm in my prime.
Johnny Ringo: Yeah, you look it.
Doc Holliday: And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him?
Kate: You don't even know him.
Doc Holliday: Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
Wyatt Earp: [to Ringo] He's drunk.
Doc Holliday: In vino veritas. [When I drink, I say the truth]
Johnny Ringo: Age quod agis. [Do what you do best]
Doc Holliday: Credat Judaeus apella, non ego. [Drinking is not what I do best]
Johnny Ringo: [pats his gun] Eventus stultorum magister. [Fools must learn from experience]
Doc Holliday: [smiles] In pace requiescat. [It's your funeral]
Fred White: Come on boys. We don't want any trouble in here. Not in any language.
Doc Holliday: [to Kate] That's Latin, darlin'. Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him."


and the big shoot-out:
[Johnny Ringo is awaiting Wyatt Earp's arrival in anticipation of a pistol duel.]
Johnny: Well... I didn't think you had it in you.
Doc: [reveals his face] I'm your huckleberry. [Ringo stops short, looking startled.] Why, Johnny Ringo. You look like somebody just walked over your grave.
Johnny: Fight's not with you, Holliday.
Doc: Oh, I beg to differ, sir. You and I started a game we never got to finish. Play for blood, remember?
Johnny: I was just fooling about.
Doc: [smiles] I wasn't. And this time...[opens his overcoat to reveal a badge] It's legal.
Johnny: All right, lunger. Let's do it!
Doc: Say when.
[Ringo draws, but Doc draws faster and shoots Ringo in the head, killing him]
Doc: Come on! Come on! Oh, Johnny, come on! You're no daisy, you're no daisy at all! Poor soul, you were just too high strung.
[Wyatt comes running in surprise, a look of shock on his face as he sees Doc standing over Johnny's corpse]
Doc: I'm afraid the strain was more than he could bear

David Brent:
I don't look upon this like it's the end, I look upon it like it's moving on you know. It's almost like my work here's done. I can't imagine Jesus going 'Oh, I've told a few people in Bethlehem I'm the son of God, can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?' No. You gotta move on. You gotta spread the word. You gotta go to Nazareth, please. And that's, very much like... me. My world does not end within these four walls, Slough's a big place. And when I've finished with Slough, there's Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell, you know I've got to-Didcott, Yately. You know. My-Winersh, Taplow. Because I am my own boss, I can-Burfield. I can wake up one morning and go 'Ooh, I don't feel like working today, can I just stay in bed?' 'Ooh, don't know, better ask the boss.' 'David can I stay in bed all day?' 'Yes you can David.' Both me, that's not me in bed with another bloke called David.
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From The Young Ones

Alexei Sayle: "It's quite interesting, you know, how many bisuits are named after revolutionaries. You've got your Garibaldi of course, you've got your Bourbon, and then of course you've got your Peek Freans Trotsky Assortment. (sings) Revolutionary biscuits of Italy, rise up out of your box. You have nothing to lose but your wafers, yum yum yum yum yum."

Cruel intentions

Kathryn Merteuil: You were very much in love with her. And you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Cheers!
[drinks champagne]
Kathryn Merteuil : Tastes good. So, I assume you've come here to make arrangements. But unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.