Jokes

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car, his father asked him three
times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home and I wanted to stay with you guys."

The sweet young thing was telling the Evangelist that she had been sleeping in another bedroom since she had caught her husband sleeping with the neighbor.
"It's your duty to forgive him, my child," intoned the minister as he patted her hand.
She fell into his arms gently sobbing.
"But," he added, as his grip tightened, "How'd ya like to get even with the S.O.B. first?"

Zimmerman's walking down the sidewalk and passes a store with three beautiful watches in the window.
He goes in and says to the guy behind the counter, "I want to buy that watch in the middle of the three."
The shopkeeper says, "Oh, we don't sell watches in here. We do circumcisions."
Zimmerman says, "Then why do you have watches in the window?"
The shopkeeper says, "What would you put in the window?"

I wish Oxford and Cambridge would settle their differences, I hate to watch them rowing

What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?

Their balls are just ornamental.

I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come…

Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?

You do a bunch of work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.

4 Best friends worst sex ever had story joke

A blonde, a brunette, a redhead and black haired girl are best friends that meet in an local café in town. After all of them have ordered their chosen breakfast, tea & coffee. After a while, they each talk & describe their worst sex they ever.

The brunette starts by saying, "The worst sex I ever had was at my boyfriend's place. We've just finished having a meal & he thought it would be a good idea to just do it on the dining room table."

"Yeah! Then what happened?" The others chimed.

The brunette started glumly at her 3 friends. "His damn parents walked in the front bloody door!".

The red head girl next. "That nothing! As you all know, I work as an assistant manager at my local pub. So get this, one night a hot, handsome guy wearing this sharp suit walks in. He was so fine, I grabbed him & dragged him by the collar to the nearest ladies' toilets."

"So?" "What so bad about that?" The other stared back at her.

The redhaired, with an embarrassed look, continued, "It just so happened we were doing an fucking pub quiz night & I had the stupid microphone on me at the time on full volume!"

The black haired shook her head, "I can top that! My man work as a teacher so I decided to surprise him by showing up to his school wearing nothing but an sexy negligee & he thought it would be ballsy by having sex in the staff room."

"Let me guess", the redhaired said, dryly. "You both got caught by the other teachers there?"

"Worst! The head teacher just happened to walked in on us doing it. She dropped her cup of coffee on floor in compete shock, reprimanded my man & fired him right on the spot, so now he out of a job!

The others now have glanced over to their blonde friend who is silently sipping her tea, staring into space.

"So, what your story?", the others ask.

"Okay. My worst sex story was dating this guy I met called Jim".

"Oh!" The brunette says, "He couldn't keep it up long enough, could he?

"No. The lousy cheapskate took me to his local gym on our first date! If it wasn't bad enough seeing hot guys working out! His name wasn't even called Jim, for fuck sake!"