Jokes

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?  Re-morse code....

Just phoned the local council and asked if I could have a skip outside my house.
"Sure, go for it, fatty." was the reply.

Watched a real-life nipple piercing today.

On another note, I'm crap at darts.

Why couldn’t the psychic stop crying?

He wasn’t a happy medium!

What’s the one time “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” don’t mean the same thing?

At a funeral.

How is a porn star’s pussy like a grapefruit?

The best ones squirt when you eat them.

What do porn stars and prawns have in common?

Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste great.

An old dear in front of me at the checkout was £4.60 short for her shopping, so I did the decent thing and put the stuff she couldn't afford back on the shelves.

Well, it's Christmas innit?

I thought I was in charge of where the furniture was put in our house but I came home and found the tables had turned.

So the Mrs just asked if I'd like a Christmas walk along the canal tmrw... I said "Why don't we drop the 'c' and stay at home"