Jokes

“A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex.

After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?"

The mom said, "We were baking a cake."

A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake in the living room?"

She said yes, and asked him how he knew.

He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!”

Terrible weather here so I’ve just visited my 80 year old neighbour to see if she wanted anything from the shops, turns out she did! So I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this storm.

I've given my wife a medieval fighting suit to polish, whilst I go to the pub.

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour

Why are colds bad criminals?

Because they’re easy to catch.

Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table?

Sir Cumference.

What happens when you witness a ship wreck?

You let it sink in.

What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy?

Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!

I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t called that.

It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.'

My friend died following an accident with a cement lorry.

There's already a statue of him.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side