Jokes

What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1.Forrest1.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.


Got a PS5 for my wife!
Best trade I've ever done!


When you die, what part of the body dies last?
The pupils…they dilate.

Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter orders a beer. The wedge orders a tequila.

The third one says, “Nothing for me. I'm the driver.”

I used to be afraid of hurdles.

But I got over it.

What did the man say to his fingers?

I’m counting on you.

I’m working on a bunch of jokes about wind.

They’re currently saved as drafts.

When I found out that my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked.

Why was the blonde so proud of herself?

She finished a puzzle in 5 hours, the box said 3-5 years.

I used to work with a colleague whose nickname was "shagger". Now most blokes, though they might not admit it, would be secretly chuffed to have such a nickname.

But for some reason she would get really upset.

The wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I accidentally gave her the super glue, She's still not talking to me.

What do you get when you connect your phone to the cloud?

Mist calls.