Jokes

Did you hear about the man who threw his mother-in-law into the lion's den at the zoo?
He's being sued by the RSPCA for cruelty to animals.

What are the two worst things about your mother-in-law?
Her faces.

went to watch andy murray at wimbledon but i ended up staring at the royal box.......kate middleton has to learn to keep her legs shut!!!!!

what's red and invisible?? no tomatos!

what's green and brown and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree??...... a snooker table!!

what's black and white and stands in a field??..... a fridge with a black leather jacket on!!


seriously, i'm getting my coat. won't be a minute!

A cannibal says "I don't like my mother-in-law" so his mate says "well just eat the chips!"

Two cannibals were eating a clown and the first one says "does this taste funny to you?"

(06-07-2011 15:56 )terence Wrote:  what's red and invisible?? no tomatos!

what's green and brown and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree??...... a snooker table!!

what's black and white and stands in a field??..... a fridge with a black leather jacket on!!


seriously, i'm getting my coat. won't be a minute!

i've got the book you got these from!

What did the Cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend ? Wiped his arse


I'm going to write a mystery novel, or am I ?

What the most sensitive part of your body when your having a wank ? Your ears.

A pilot was flying over the jungle when he started having engine trouble. Eventually the engine stopped and he realised that he would have to bail out before it lost too much height and crashed. So he put on his parachute and jumped out of the door. He pulled the rip cord, his parachute opened and he floated gently down towards a clearing in the jungle. Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of a large cooking pot in which the chief of the cannibals was cooking lunch. The chief cried out in astonishment, "whats this flier doing in my soup?"

A cannibal is watching his friend, also a cannibal. His friend walks up to someone and eats him, then comes back and announces 'I'm a vegetarian.'
'But I just saw you eat that person!' The first cannibal cries.
'That's because he was a swede.'

Why is a launderette not a good place to find a girlfriend?
If she cannot even afford to buy her own washing machine, she will never have enough money to support you.