Jokes

I work for a skip hire company. The money is rubbish, but the tips are good.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.... So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Holographic drums,you can't beat em

if you can't beat 'em.... what's the point in having kids?

Confucius say,man who learn to masturbate,come in handy.

Confucious say, "passionate kiss like spider's web"......both lead to flies undoing!

The undertaker sent a telegram to the bereaved man, telling him his mother-in-law had died and asking whether he wanted her embalmed, cremated, or buried. Back came the reply: ‘Take no chances - all three’!

It was a terrible winter — three months of unbroken blizzards.
McTavish hadn’t been seen in the village for weeks, so a Red Cross rescue team struggled to his remote croft at the head of the glen. It was completely buried — only the chimney was showing.
‘McTavish,’ they shouted down the chimney. ‘Are you there?’
‘Wha’s that?’ came the answer.
‘It’s the Red Cross,’ they called.
‘Go away,’ shouted McTavish. ‘I bought a flag last year!’

I went to the Doctor and said this dog took a chunk out of my leg,

the Doctor asked did I put anything on it,

I said no he seemed happy enough the way it was