Jokes

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

So, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."

She became a brunette.

The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"

So, she became a man.

do you think homosexual men ever have gay já vu?

i was milking a cow and the bucket got knocked over... i didn't cry about it

When I said I wanted to be a Comedian everyone laughed, well nobody's laughing now

Blonde Invention #1: Underwater Hairdryer

Blonde Invention #2: Inflatable DartBoard

How do you know a blonde has been used Microsoft Word?
There'll be tip-ex on the screen

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"

"I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

What the definition of agony ? A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with an itchy arse

- "Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog"

- "don't worry, we'll sort this out, just get up on the couch"

- "but I'm not allowed on the couch ...."

Boomerangs...Frisbees for ginger people

do fingerless gloves still fit like a glove?

i bought an X X X L shirt earlier, i was disappointed when it had nothing to do with porn

fucking criossants... 'scuse the french... fucking pastry

I suppose this is a joke...

THE 2011 FEDERAL CENSUS FOR THE SOUTH:

Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box) (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you? (_) Booger (_) Bubba (_) Junior (_) Sissy (_) Other___________________
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: M (_) F (_) Not sure (_)
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (Check appropriate box) (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Unemployed (_) Dirty Politician (_)
Preacher Spouse's Name:_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name:______________________
3rd Spouse's Name:______________________
Lover's Name:___________________________
Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box) (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: ______
Number that are yours: ______
Mother's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you own (_) or rent (_) your mobile home?(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own: ___
Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: 196_
Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)
The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun weekly
Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____
How often do you bathe: (_) Weekly (_) Monthly (_) Not Applicable
Colour of eyes: Left______ Right_____
Colour of hair: (_) Blond (_) Black (_) Red (_) Brown (_) White (_) Clairol Colour of teeth: (_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow (_) Brown (_) Black (_) N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_) 1 mile (_) 2 miles (_) just a whoop-and-a-holler (_) road?(_)