Jokes

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."

What's the difference between a Rocker & a Jazz Man ? A Rocker plays 3 chords infront of 3000 people,a Jazz Man plays 300
chords infront of 3 people.

2 dogs are at the vet one says to the other what are you here for.see that little boy over there,he kept pulling my ears and poking my eyes so i bit him,now im being put to sleep.what are you here for.see that lovely lady over there, she came out of the shower dropped her towel and when she bent down to pick it up i couldnt resist and leapt on her and shagged her.oh so your getting put to sleep as well.no, im just having my claws clipped

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break.

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

mrs w went to the dentist yesterday. I asked her what the verdict was: "he says I've got the best set of teeth he has ever come across."

"...... ...."

I never drink at lunchtime, but after my promotion to Executive level my colleagues insisted on taking me down the pub, and we all got well and truly bladdered. Upon returning to work, there was a message that my new office was ready, and I couldn't wait to try it out, especially the huge black leather swivel chair that the bigwigs get, so I staggered up the stairs to the Management Suite.

Trouble was, no matter what I did, my chair just wouldn't swivel, it would only go backwards and forwards. I got really frustrated and let out a string of expletives just as the Managing Director looked in to see what all the commotion was about.

"mr williams" he said quietly "......please get out of the filing cabinet......"

man in bed with his wife reading a book,when his hand moves down and teases her pussy.you want sex?she asks.no just wanna wet my finger to turn the page

wife says to husband,a man at work says i have the breasts of an 18 year old.what about your 55 year old c**t says her husband sarcastically. you werent mentioned