Jokes

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.Surprised,she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is."i'm 90 years old"he says
"90" replies the madam,"don't you realise you've had it?"
"Oh I'm sorry" says the old man "how much do I owe you?"

"I can't find a cause for your illness"the doctor said,"frankly"I think It's down to drinking".
"In that case" replied the patient "i'll come back when your sober"

My son said, "Dad, can I start going ballroom dancing?"

I said, "No, it's too dangerous."

He said, "Why is it?"

I said, "Because I'll break your legs, you fucking little poof."

What's the difference between your paycheck and your c@#k?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck

Doctor : I'm sorry Mrs Smith, it's about your son...
Mrs Smith : Oh no Doctor, what's wrong, is he sick ?
Doctor : No, he's just a massive cunt.

People say that marijuana is good for you because it's natural, but they don't realise that just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe. Want to know what else is natural?

Bears

Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning

My grandson came round to visit yesterday and when my wife went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea he said, "Grandad, why does Grandma always smell of wee?"

"Well, you're six years old now so I guess that I should give you an honest explanation", I said, putting an arm around his shoulder. "Now tell me Charlie, have you ever heard of a golden shower?"

What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
We do taste like chicken

My wife packed her bags and told me she was leaving me over my obsession with zoo animals.

Well that excuse was irrelephant.