Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

Love me some Dr Cox, but literally my favourite moment in Scrubs is this:

From Blazing Saddles

Hedley Lamarr: "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives."
Taggart: "God darnit, Mr Lamarr, you use your mouth purtier than a twenty dollar w.hore."


Sheriff Bart: "Mornin' Ma'am, and isn't it a lurvely mornin?"
Old Woman: "Up yours nigger!"

Bridesmaid to page girl " so do you have a boyfriend"
Page Girl to Bridesmaid " yeah his names Simon we like to play ping pong"
Bridesmaid to Page Girl "you're lucky most men just want to bonk me and leave me"
Page Girl to Bridesmaid "What's bonking"
Bridesmaid to Page girl "Well it's kind of like ping pong only with slightly smaller balls"

"Who got two thumbs up and dosent give a crap? Bob Kelso ! "

"Who got two thumbs up and still dosent give a crap? Bob Kelso thought we'd met ! "

-- scrubs

From The Libertine, a John Wilmot line which I rather like.

"All men would be cowards if they only had the courage."

From Black Adder 2 (apologies if I don't have it exactly right)

Blackadder: So tell me young crone, what do you know of the wise woman?

Young Crone: The wise woman? The wise woman?

Blackadder: Yes, yes, the wise woman.

Young Crone: Two things ye must know about the wise woman. First, she is.... a woman !!! And second she is....

Blackadder (sighing): Wise?

Young Crone: Oh, so you do know her then?

Blackadder: No, it was just a wild stab in the dark, which incidentally is what you will be getting if you don't become a bit more helpful.

Young Crone (pointing): She's in there.

Blackadder: Thank you Young Crone. Here is a bag of money....which I am keeping for myself.

A few lines from one of my favourite TV programmes ever

I'm Alan Partridge.

"We have a caller on the line who fears he may be a gay, he's married so we'll only refer to him by his christian name. This is Domingo from little Oakley."

"That was classic intercourse"

"Eat my cheese you mother!"

"I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said "how do I look?" Would you say, bearing in mind he's depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say "go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny"? No. You'd say "You look nice... John""

"There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks a go I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent."

"Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them."

"I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dawg... would hump ya."

"Right, dry skin cream. I'm having an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack."

"I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. But a happy one."

‘Oh, butter my arse!’

‘Abso-bloody-exactly!’