Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

Only Fools And Horses, Season 3, Episode 7, Who A Pretty Boy

Del Boy: (to Grandpa) Listen to me, listen to me. If that thing laid a egg, I'll kill you!!

Commando (1985)

Matrix: Where is she, Sully?
Sully: Kiss my ass!
Matrix: I can't hear you!
Sully: I'll say it a little louder, get fucked!
Matrix: [holds Sully upside-down over a cliff by his leg] Listen, loyalty is very touching. But it is not the most important thing in your life right now! But what IS important is gravity! I have to remind you Sully, this is my weak arm!
Sully: You can't kill me Matrix! You need me to find your daughter!
Matrix: Where is she?
Sully: I don't know. But Cooke knows, I'll take you to where I'm supposed to meet him!
Matrix: But you won't.
Sully: Why not?
Matrix: [holds the hotel key he stole from Sully that Cooke is staying at] Because I already know. Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That's right, Matrix! You did!
Matrix: I lied.
[Matrix releases Sully, who falls to his demise]

Diaz: Mellow out man. We can't talk business with you waving guns in people's faces. Your daughter is safe, Colonel. Now whether she stays that way is up to you. My people, they got some business with you. And if you want your kid back, then you gotta co-operate, right?
Matrix: Wrong!
[shoots Diaz between the eyes]

Family Guy Patriot Games Season 4, Episode 20

[Brian, walks out of his room, gasps, when he sees Stewie playing a round of mini-golf. Scared, he re-enters his room & come back out with wearing a fake mustache, walking pass Stewie whose remains totally oblivious]
Brain: [puts on an accent] Morning!
Stewie: Good day to you, sir [sees right through Brian's disguise] Hey, wait a minute, what the hell!!!

Family Guy, Season 2, Episode 13, Road to Rhode Island

[Brian & Stewie are asleep in a Motel, across from their room, an conversation is taking place]

Thug: [from opposite room] You got the stuff?
Undercover cop: Yeah, I got it. Where the money, hun? I want to see the money!
Thug: No, no no no, you don't see the money til I see the stuff.
Stewie: Oh, for god sake, there only one way to put an end to this nuisance- [shouts] HE'S WEARING A WIRE!!!!
Thug: WHAT?!! [to Undercover cop] You son of a- [the thug shoots the undercover cop with a hail of bullets, undercover cop drop down, dead, Stewie turns, yawns & goes back to sleep]

Only coz it's fresh in my mind after justing watching it, so.

Father Ted and Dougal and the shennigans in Ireland's biggest lingerie store.

Piss my self laughing even though I know when the joke is coming. A true sign of a great comedy.

Mrs Doyle and the tea machine, brilliant.

The Simpsons Season 5, Episode 23, Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Lisa: (visiting Homer in the treehouse) Here, Dad. I brought you some nice ... aah!
(Homer has made a model of Marge; a tall plant to match her hairstyle, with a paper plate face stuck to it)
Homer: Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother. Now, give her a kiss! KIIIIISS HER!!
(Homer thrusts the plant in Lisa's face and accidentally drops it out of the treehouse, where it breaks on the ground below)
Homer: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! Okay, let's get our story straight. She tripped, right?
Lisa: Look, I brought you some nice pudding
Homer: Oh, your flesh mother used to bring me pudding (moans) oohhh, I miss Marge, Lisa you're smart, help me trick her into taking me back!
Lisa: Dad, you can't trick somebody into loving you. There's a reason two people come together and stay together - there's something they give each other that nobody else can give them. If you wanna get Mom back, you'll just have to remember what you give her that no one else can.
Homer: I'll pay you forty dollars if you think of it for me.
Lisa: No.
Homer: Okay… thirty.
Lisa: (a beat) Good luck, Dad (starts descending back down the treehouse)
Homer: Oh, right brain, it all up to you, if we don't figure something out, we could lose Marge forever.
Homer's brain: Eat the pudding!Eat the pudding!Eat the pudding!Eat the pudding!Eat the pudding!Eat the pudding!
Homer: All right, then we have to get to work (eats pudding)

Stephen: I count six shots, n***a
Django: I count two guns, n***a

Carlito's Way:

"F**k you and your self-righteous code of the goddamn street. Did it pull you out of a 30 year stint in only 5 years? No it didn't, i did. Did it get you aquitted 4 f**king times?. No it didn't i did, so f**k you, f**k the streets, you're whole world is this big, and there's only one rule, you save your own ass!."

David Kleinfeld - (Sean Penn)

Exit Wounds (2001)

Alan Morris: Good afternoon, homies. I'm Alan Morris and if there anything I can help you with, I'm your dawg!!

(A bit later)

Alan Morris: (to Latrell Walker) Hey you! Could you turn of the engine.
(Latrell Walker, ignores Morris, revs car engine louder)
Alan Morris: Could you turn of the engine! (shouts) COULD YOU TURN THE MOTHERFUCKING ENGINE OFF!!!
Latrell Walker: You don't have to yell, all you have to do was ask, you get better results.

The Matrix Reloaded

"There's no escaping reason, no defying purpose, for as we both know without purpose we would not exist. It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines us, purpose that binds us.
We are here because of you Mr Anderson. We're here to take from you, what you tried to take from us. Purpose."

Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving)

Steve Rogers: Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you?
Tony Stark: i'm a Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist!