Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

American Dad, Not Particularly Desperate Housewives, Season 2, Episode 2

Bullock: Smith, I have a mission for you, the most exciting mission of your career.
Stan: Sorry, sir, it wouldn't be responsible to take risks now that I have someone who depends on me.
Bullock: Your family?
Stan: Sure, sure, send them.

Robocop - gas station scene

EDIT - Porky's (1982)

[While in Deadbeats, a local diner]

Billy: [after seeing some cops come their way] Oh, shit. Uh... Pee Wee, would you get me some sugar from the end of the counter?
Cop 1: [approaching the teens] That boy been drinkin'?
Billy: [looks up at the cops, while trying to hold a very drunk Meat by the neck] No, sir, Officer. Our friend is a diabetic.
[The two cops exchange a look, unconvinced]
Billy: Thank you, Edward, for bringing Anthony some sugar.
Tommy: How may cubes of sugar does your cousin require when he's had too much insulin?
[Billy gives Tommy a look]
Billy: Two.... cubes of sugar usually is enough to bring Anthony round.
[Billy tries putting a few cubes in Meat's mouth; Meat then process to spit out both sugar cubes, with one hitting the cheek of the first cop and another hitting another customer at the opposite end of the bar, a drunk Meat then slumps face down in his bowl of chilli.]
Cop 1: [after removing bits of chilli from his face] Gee, uh... I've never seen nobody drown in a bowl of chilli before.
Cop 2: Me neither. I wouldn't even know how to fill out the forms on that.
Cop 1: Yeah, your right. It would be a lotta hassle. I guess we'd better save him.
Cop 2: Yeah, I guess we'd better.
[Cop 2 holds up a very drunk Meat by the back of his head]
Cop 2: You know, I'm no doctor, but I could swear this youngster's inebriated.
[Billy, Tommy, Pee Wee and various others deny the claim that Meat is drunk]
Cop 1: Well, now, if you guys say he's a diabetic, OK. But if we find out he's drunk. we're gonna book the whole lot of you as acccessories.


Sheriff Wallace: Why don't you stick it up your.... [Porky covers his mouth]
Porky: Promise him! For chrissakes, promise him!
Sheriff Wallace: [after removing Porky's hand, very pissed] I promised to shove my foot up his....
Porky: [covers Sheriff Wallace mouth again] Promise him! Promise him, you asshole, [points] or you'll be back shovellin' pigshit!
[Sheriff Wallace moves Porky's hand away again, spits, looks away]
Sheriff Wallace: [under his breath, very quietly] I promise.
Sheriff Ted Jarvis: [leaning in] What that, I can't hear you, Sheriff.
Sheriff Wallace: [turn back, very pissed] I said I promise, you motherf....[Porky covers his mouth once more, Sheriff Wallace removes Porky hand] I promise.

Armageddon

Steve Buscemi hilarity as Rockhound.

[You motorboatin' son of a bitch]

Love It

The Great Outdoors (1988)

[Chet is being pulled by the boat on water-skies at high speed]
Chet: You bastard! You bastard!
Roman: I think he's saying go faster.

[Chet, having enough of Roman is ready to pack his things and go]
Connie Ripley: What are you doing?
Chet: [panting] What does it look like I'm doing? [angry] I'm not taking any more or Roman's crap. If you like him, you stay with him, I'm through, I'm out of here
Connie Ripley: Wait a minute, wait a minute. What happen that got you so crazy?
Chet: What happened? Come on, what happened? How about Roman dragging me all over the goddamn lake? How about that for starters, hun? Not bad, huh? Have you seen my ass, lately?
Connie Ripley: [trying not to giggle] No, not recently.
Chet: [well pissed] Well, I'll be picking splinters from now till the day I die!
Connie Ripley: [starting to laugh] Oh honey, come on.
Chet: What you find that funny? Yeah, that was hysterical, wasn't it [Connie raises her hand to stop herself from laughing]
Connie Ripley: No, it wasn't really funny, but because I love you... [laughing continues]
Chet: [dismayed sigh] God, thanks a lot!
Connie Ripley: [tried to stop her self from laughing] What about the kids?
Chet: What about his kids? All right. Let's talk about his kids. His kids they, they ....they... spooky alright. I'm waiting for their heads to rotate around and vomit pea soup.
Connie Ripley: [seriously] I mean our kids.
Chet: [brief pause] Our kids already do that.

[Chet and the rest of the family are horse riding, Chet's house suddenly stops, separating him from the others who rode ahead]
Chet: [tries hitting the horse's side] Hey, hey come on. [horse bits his right leg] Whoa. Hey, Ow! Easy. All right. OK. OK. Have it your way. I'll just get off.
[Gets of horse]
You all right? OK. Let's go. We're walking. Come on. Come on, let's... [Chet's tries pulling the horse's reins, the horse won't budge] Hey! Easy, easy. Now, let's just walk back to the stable, all right? I'm walking, you're walking. Let's have a nice easy walk. Come on [tries to go again. Still, the horse won't budge, yanking it head back, annoyed, Chet had had enough]
Chet: All right, all right. That was your last chance. That's it. Have it your way. I don't want to do this but you forced me to, remember that [throws reins on horse, walks over to a small set of trees] I hate to do this to you [breaks part of a tree branch off] I'm normally not a mean person but I...[horse starts to gallop away, Chet see the horse going away without him, gives chase] hey! Come back here, you son of a bitch!

Bartender: He's been struck by lightning... how many times has it been now, Reg?
Reg: S-s-s-s-s-s-s-six...
Chet: Six times?
Reg: S-s-s-six-six-six-six-six-six-sixty-sixty-six times. In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-In-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n the head!
Chet: Sixty six times? God, that's gotta hurt.


[Chet is eating the last bite of the 96 ounce steak]
Roman: I think that just about does it.
Grill Chef: He's not done yet!
Roman: It might take him a moment for that last bite to go down, but it will go down!
Grill Chef: That ain't the last bite!
Roman: Well sure it is, there is nothing on that plate but gristle and fat!
[the Chef raises his eyebrows]
Roman: No Problem. If i can get a dessert down him, think you can throw in a couple of Paul Bunyan hat's for the kids?