Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

American History X (1998)

Derek Vinyard: Alright listen up, we need to open our eyes. There's over two million illegal immigrants bending down in this state tonight. This state spend three billion dollars last year on services, on people who had no right to be here in the first place. Three billion dollars. 400 million just to lock up a bunch of illegal immigrant criminals who only got in this country because the fucking INS decided it's not worth the effort to screen for convicted felons.

Paul (2011)

Agent Zoil: Pleasure to meet you boys. You did a hell of a job.
Clive Gollings: Thank you, Agent Zoil.
Agent Zoil: Please call me Lorenzo.
Clive Gollings, Graeme Willy: Lorenzo Zoil?

Naked Gun 2.5: The Smell of Fear:

[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making enquires]

Drebin: We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he?

Busty Shop Assistant: Why should I tell you copper?

Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defence between sleaze like this, and the decent people of this town.

[A male sex shop assistant walks in from a back stockroom]

Sex shop assistant: Oh, hi Frank, say we finally got that model D83 Swedish Sure-Grip Suck Machine that you ordered.

Drebin: [To busty assistant, embarrassed] It's A gift.

The Simpsons, Season 6, Episode 2 - Lisa Rival

[In Marge's daydream]
Handsome muscle Pirate:[after hearing Lisa's Saxophone] Ewww such noise, ewww [pushes Marge away] well, I'm done for the evening.
[Marge, startled, wakes up from her dream, to see Lisa playing with her saxophone on the family couch]
Marge: Lisa, stop blowing my sex! I mean stop blowing your sax, your sax, stop it.

Bottom - Series 1: Episode 3: Contest.

Richie: Do you know how many birds there are in the world?"
Eddie: Yeah about 3 billion.
Richie Do you know how many I've slept with?
Eddie: Yep.
Richie: None.
Eddie: Yeah I know.
Richie: I mean statistically that's really quite phenomenal isn't it
Eddie: Not for an ugly fat bastard like you it isn't.
Richie: I wonder what sort of bird'd suit me?
Eddie: Blind one. Well blind deaf masochist really.

Blackadder II - Beer

Blackadder: How are we getting on?
Lady Whiteadder: Not good. Let us discuss your inheritance.
Blackadder: Oh good. Drink first?
Lady Whiteadder: Drink[Slaps him twice]Wicked child! Drink is urine from the last leper in hell!
Blackadder: This is only water. This is a house of simple purity.
[A drunken monk burst's into Blackadder's puritan dinner, vomits in the fireplace and staggers out]
Monk: Great Booze-up Edmund! [There's an awkward silence]
Lady Whiteadder: Do you know that man?
Blackadder: [Looking behind him for another man] No.
Lady Whiteadder: He called you Edmund.
Blackadder: Oh, know Him! Oh yes, I do.
Lady Whiteadder: Then can you explain what he meant by "Great Booze-up."
[Very long pause as Blackadder thinks]
Blackadder: [Haltingly] Yes I can. My friend is a missionary...and on his last visit abroad...brought back with him the Chief of a famous tribe... his name is Great Boo...he's been suffering from sleeping sickness...and he's obviously just woken...because as you heard "Great Boo's Up"
Percy: [Almost suffocating from holding his breath] Well done Edmund.
Blackadder: [Getting up] And I think I'd better go and visit him. Perce, over to you.

The Simpsons, Season 8, Episode 21, The Old Man and the Lisa

When Homer collapses after Lisa tears up the check and ends up in the hospital]
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) Well, that's the first case I've ever seen of a man suffering four simultaneous heart attacks.

Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad.

Homer: It's all right. I understand. But we really could've used that $12,000.

Lisa: (uncomfortably) Um, Dad, 10% of $120 million isn't $12,000... it's...

(cut to outside the ward)

Hospital Loudspeaker: Code Blue! Code Blue!

Predators (2010)

Edwin: Excuse me. Just what the hell is going on here?
Royce: We're being hunted. The cages. The soldier. All of us. All brought here for the same purpose. This planet is a game preserve. And we're the game. In case you didn't notice, we just got flushed out. They sent the dogs in, just like you if you were stalking boar or shooting quail. They split us apart and they watched. Testing us.
Isabelle: How do you know this?
Royce: Because, that's what I would do.

Royce: [to Noland] Say goodbye to your little friend.
Noland: You're in my house, motherfucker!
[Royce fires his AA-12 into the hull of the ship]
Stans: Yeah, that didn't open up shit.
Royce: Wasn't meant to, asshole. I'm calling in the cavalry.

Robocop (1987)

Clarence Boddicker asks Bobby a question...

Neds (2010)

Mr. McLeod: Take your seats. And stop your crying. Why is it that whenever a boy is sent to this class he seems to think he's in the beginning of a never-ending downward spiral to failure? Now, I'm starting to take this personally! I am just as bloody good as any other teacher in this or any other bloody school!