Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

Mississippi Burning

Frank Bailey: Now you listen here, you cornholin fucker. You tell your queer-negro bosses that they aint never gonna find those civil rightsters! So you might as well pack up and go back where you came from and...

[Anderson grabs his crotch hard, Bailey screams in pain]

Anderson [While grabbing Bailey by the crotch] Now you listen here shitkicker! Don't you go confusin me with some whole other body. You must be thinking with your dick if you think we're gonna just walk away from this. We're gonna stay till this gets done.
[After opening his coat and exposing his gun, he turns to Deputy Bell] How bout you Deputy, that gun of yours for show or do you get to shoot people once in a while? [Releases his grip on Bailey, then takes a swig of beer] Thanks for the beer

Frank Bailey: Michael Rooker
Agent Rupert Anderson: Gene Hackman.

Shrooms (2007)

Bluto: Hello.
The Cow: Well, well, well.
Bluto: You can talk!
The Cow: That's cause you're outta your mind.
Bluto: You see a girl?
The Cow: She went that way.
Bluto: Thanks.
[Starts to run off]
The Cow: Wouldn't do that if I were you.
Bluto: Why not?
The Cow: You know you're fucked.
Bluto: [laughs] Yeah, I know.
The Cow: I mean dead fucked.
Bluto: Well, you're just a fucking cow.
The Cow: A fucking cow that can fucking talk.
Bluto: I gotta go.
The Cow: Yeah. Bye bye.

Drive Angry (2011)

[first lines]
The Accountant: Since the birth of time, humanity has endeavored to restrain evil men in prisons. But since Cain fled the murder of his brother, evil men have fled the walls of punishment. So, it doesn't matter if you're a bad-ass motherfucker on the run, because you think you're better than everyone else, and somehow entitled to do what you gotta do. No. Because you see bad-ass motherfuckers are never fast enough. In the end, they will all be accounted for.

Cap: No goddamn way. No ever loving way in God's good heaven are you an FBI agent.
The Accountant: I need you boys to stand down. Captain, you know what this badge means, right? Federal Bureau of get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way.

300

[Xerxes has advanced to meet Leonidas, seated on a gold throne carried on the back of many slaves]

Leonidas: Let me guess...you must be...Xerxes?

Xerxes: Come Leonidas, let us reason together, it would be a regrettable waste, it would be nothing short of madness, were you brave king, and your valiant troops to perish...all because of a simple misunderstanding. There is much our cultures could share.

Leonidas: Oh, haven't you noticed? We've been sharing our culture with you all morning.

Xerxes: Yours is a fascinating tribe. Even now, you are defiant in the face of annihilation and the presence of a God. It isn't wise to stand against me Leonidas. Imagine what horrible fate awaits my enemies when I would gladly kill any of my own men for victory.

Leonidas: And I would die for any of mine.

Xerxes: You Greeks take pride in your logic. I suggest you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously defend reduced to ash at my whim! Consider the fate of your women!

Leonidas: Clearly you don't know our women. I might as well have marched them up here judging by what I've seen. You have many slaves Xerxes, but few warriors. It won't be long before they fear my spears more than your whips.

Xerxes: It is not the lash they fear, it is my divine power. But I am a generous God. I can make you rich beyond all measure. I will make you warlord of all Greece. You will carry my battle standard to the heart of Europe. Your Athenian rivals will kneel at your feet, if you will but kneel at mine.

Leonidas: You are generous as you are divine, oh king of kings, such an offer only a madman would refuse, but the, uh, the idea of kneeling, it's...you see slaughtering all those men of yours has, uh, well it's left a nasty cramp in my leg, so kneeling will be hard for me.

Xerxes: There will be no glory in your sacrifice. I will erase even the memory of Sparta from the histories. Every piece of Greek parchment shall be burned, and every historian and every scribe shall have their eyes put out and their tongues cut from their mouths. Why, uttering the very name of Sparta or Leonidas will be punishable by death. The world will never know you existed at all!

Leonidas: The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle is over, that even a god-king can bleed.

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)

Walter Garber: What's her name?
Ryder: Lavitca, she was Lithuanian... she was an ASS-model.
Walter Garber: She asked you what?
Ryder: You heard of hand-models, right? Advertisements?
Walter Garber: Right.
Ryder: She was an ass-model... she did jeans and uh you know, magazines and shit. Anyway, it was fashion week in New York and uh... I took her to Iceland.
Walter Garber: Lavitca, Lithuanian, Ass model, Iceland, you took her to the ice...
Ryder: So, for five-hundred bucks they'll take you on a dog-sled ride on a glacier.
Walter Garber: Dog-sled?
Ryder: Yeah... and you know that whole saying that if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes?
Walter Garber: Right, otherwise you're always looking at the asshole of the dog in front of you.
Ryder: That'll be funny in a minute when I get to that part.
Walter Garber: It's funny now.
Ryder: [next scene] And it's eight in the morning, we haven't been to bed yet... and we're tooling across this glacier and I got this hangover that's creeping up the back of my neck... and guess what I'm looking at?
Walter Garber: You're obviously you're staring at... the ass of the dog in front of you.
Ryder: You got it! So this dog... out of nowhere just lifts his hind-legs up and puts them in the, you know the harness there... and just takes a shit, while he's running on his front paws. So he's dumping and running, all at the same time... now that's multi-fucking-tasking if you ask me.
Walter Garber: Get outta here, did it hit you?
Ryder: Shit always hits you man.
[next scene]
Ryder: I didn't know it at the time, but it was profound.
Walter Garber: Profound?
Ryder: Yeah.
Walter Garber: Why? Uh, you lost me.
Ryder: Well, you know uh... when I went to prison later on, what you called. Uh, I had trouble going to the toilet... you know, a privacy thing. And I... couldn't take a shit. I was scared shitless... literally. So, you know what I thought of?
Walter Garber: You thought of the dog.
Ryder: That's right... I thought of that dog. If it could do what it needed to do... so could I. It saved my fucking live.
Walter Garber: Wow, that is profound.

Family Guy, Season 4, Episode 17 - The Fat Guy Strangler

Lois Griffin: So, Doctor, is Peter healthy?
Dr. Hartman: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!
Peter and Lois: What?
Dr. Hartman: [pulls out a newspaper] Oh, Hägar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter Griffin: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, huh?
Dr. Hartman: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Aaaahhh! [Lois and Peter gasp as Hartman drops the folder] There's a spider in here! [picks up the folder again, and a spider falls out of it] Now, here we go. Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month. [Lois and Peter gasp. Hartman pulls Peter's driver's license out of the folder] This is your driver's license, isn't it? Now unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Lois Griffin: Oh! [Peter gasps with her]
Dr. Hartman: [pulls out a video from the shelf] ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts!
Lois Griffin: WILL YOU JUST TELL US HOW PETER'S HEALTH IS?
Dr. Hartman: Uh, Mr. Griffin, i'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim...Basinger? Bay-Basinger? Ba-Basenger? Baysinger? Hm. But now, onto the cancer.
Lois Griffin: Oh my God! [Peter gasps with her]
Dr. Hartman: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now, onto these test results. [pulls a paper out of the folder] My, they're much worse than I thought. [Lois and Peter gasp] My son got a D- on his history test. Now, Mr. Griffin, that liver's gotta come out.
Peter Griffin: Wah!
Lois Griffin: What?
Dr. Hartman: It's been in the microwave for three minutes! [pulls a liver out of a microwave] It'll get dry. Now...
Lois Griffin: Please... please... we can't take any more schtick! Please, just tell us. Is Peter healthy?
Dr. Hartman: Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's just really fat.
Lois Griffin: Oh, thank God.
Peter Griffin: Wait, wait, wait, hang-hang-hang on a second. Did you just say I was fat?
Dr. Hartman: Well...uh, yeah. You-you are pretty fat.
Peter Griffin: Um...okay...this is news to me. Uh...boy, this is more awkward than having sex with a rhinoceros who doesn't love you anymore.
[cutaway to Peter in bed with a rhinoceros]
Peter Griffin: Why wouldn't you look at me during? [the rhino gets out of bed and leaves; Peter cries.]

The Dark Knight

[The Joker crashes the party]

The Joker:We made it![Fires a shotgun into the air to get peoples attention] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!. I have only one question. Where is Harvey Dent? [Paces around the room, pointing his shotgun at random guests] Do you know where Harvey is? I just need to ask him something, little, hmmm? No? You know I'd settle for his loved ones.

Guest: We're not intimidated by thugs!

The Joker: You know you remind me of my father [Grabs him at knifepoint] I hated my father!

Rachel Dawes: [Offscreen Ok Stop!

The Joker: [Walks over to her] Well, hello beautiful! You must be Harvey's squeeze hm? And you are beautiful. Oh you look nervous. Is it the scars? Wanna know how I got em? [Grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away]. Come here, look at me. See I had a wife - beautiful like you - who tells me that I worry too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey [She squirms and he forces her to look at him]. One day they carve her face, we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hmm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So...[Rachel tries again to look away, he grabs her face and forces her to look at him] I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself [Directs attention towards the scars], and you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling.

[Rachel knees him]

The Joker: [chuckling] A little fight in you I like that.

Batman: [Appears out of nowhere and attacks the Joker]
Then you're gonna love me.

The Expendables (2010)

Lee Christmas: [after beating up Lacy's abusive boyfriend and his friends on a basketball court; and after deflating a basketball with a knife on his chest] Next time, I'll deflate all your balls, friend.

The Hot Chick (2002)

Korean Mother: Ling-Ling! L to da I to da N to da G [ starts to laugh & does a hip-hop style of walk] Ling-Ling, you forgot your bling-bling.

Korean Mother: Tell Lulu, easy on the chronic.