Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

Hot Fuzz (2007)

[Nicholas Angel is having a crackdown on underage drinkers in the pub]
Nicholas Angel: Oy! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #1: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker #1: Every year!
Nicholas Angel: Get out!
Nicholas Angel: [to the second underage drinker] When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #2: 8th of May... 1969...
Nicholas Angel: You're 37?
Underage Drinker #2: Yeah!
Nicholas Angel: Get out!
Nicholas Angel: [turns to last drinker] When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #3: [high pitched] Uhhhh...
Nicholas Angel: Out!

[After seeing Nicholas Angel throw out most of his underage drinkers, Rory Porter, the pub owner, is a very pissed off pub landlord]
Roy Porter: [very pissed, while angrily glaring at Nicholas Angel] Another *cranberry* juice, Sergeant?
Nicholas Angel: No, I'm good, thank you.

One of my favorite quotes from the TV series The Thick Of It

Malcolm Tucker : "Shut it! You're using all the minutes on my "Talk until you get head cancer" tariff"

Training Day (2001)

Alonzo Harris: Get some chow in you before we go to the office, my dollar.
Jake Hoyt: Thank you sir, but I ate...
Alonzo Harris: Fine, don't.
Jake Hoyt: It's nice here.
Alonzo Harris: May I read my paper?
Jake Hoyt: I'm sorry, sir, I...
Alonzo Harris: Thank you.
Jake Hoyt: You know what, I'll get something to eat.
Alonzo Harris: No. Hell no you won't, you fucked that up. I'm trying to read my paper. Please, shut up.
Jake Hoyt: I sure won't mind roasting in a black-and-white all day.
Alonzo Harris: Tell me a story, Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: My story?
Alonzo Harris: No, not your story. A story. Because you can't keep your mouth shut long enough for me to read my paper. Tell me a story.
Jake Hoyt: I don't think I know any stories.
Alonzo Harris: You don't know any stories? Okay, I'll tell you a story. This is a newspaper. It's 90 per cent bullshit, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it, because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story, right now.


Alonzo: What's that?
Blue: Motherfucking crack, man.
Alonzo: That's right, Jimmy Crack Corn. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh, you're federally fucked now. You got crack... and a gun. You know with your record you can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon' gimme a name.
[removes bullet]
Alonzo: That's 10 right there.
Blue: Come on, man. You know I ain't no snitch, man.
Alonzo: I know you ain't no snitch. Gimme a name.
[removes bullet]
Alonzo: That's 20.
Blue: *Fuck*!
Alonzo: Gimme a name.
[removes bullet]
Alonzo: That's 30. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?
[removes bullet]
Blue: He in the county!
Alonzo: Who?

Evolution (2001)

Ira Kane: If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be?
Harry Block: Lingerie.
Ira Kane: Not you, the bird.
Harry Block: Lingerie.

28 Day Later... (2002)

Mark: A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there." And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
[Jim doesn't respond]
Mark: Completely humorless.

[an infected is shot and falls to the ground]
Private Jones: Mitch, I fucking got one!
Corporal Mitchell: What you want a fucking sweetie? Keep shooting, you cunt!

Reservoir Dogs

Nice Guy Eddie: Okay, everybody cough up green for the little lady.Everybody whips out a buck, and throws it on the table. Everybody that is, except Mr Pink. C'mon, throw in a buck.

Mr Pink: Uh-uh. I don't tip.

Nice Guy Eddie: Whaddaya mean, you don't tip?

Mr Pink: I don't believe in it.

Nice Guy Eddie: You don't believe in tipping?

Mr Brown [Laughing]: I love this guy, he's a madman, this guy.

Mr Blonde: Do you have any idea what these ladies make? They make shit.

Mr Pink: Don't give me that. She don't make enough money, she can quit. [Everyone laughs]

Nice Guy Eddie: I don't even know a Jew who'd have the balls to say that. So lets get this strait. You never ever tip?

Mr Pink: I don't tip because society says I gotta. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort they deserve a little something extra. But tipping automatically that shit's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job.

Mr Blue: Our girl was nice.

Mr Pink: Our girl was ok. She didn't do anything special.

Mr Blue: What's something special, take ya in the kitchen and suck your dick? [They all laugh].

Mr Pink: Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fuckin time and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled six times.

Mr Blonde: What if it's too busy?

Mr Pink: The words "too busy" shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary.

Nice Guy Eddie: Excuse me Mr Pink, but the last thing you need is another cup of coffee. [They all laugh]

Pacific Rim (2013)

Stacker Pentecost: Haven't you heard Mr. Beckett? The world is coming to an end. So where would you rather die? Here? or in a Jaeger!

Stacker Pentecost: One, don't you ever touch me again. Two, don't you ever touch me again. Now, you have no idea who the hell I am, or where I have come from. And I'm not about to tell you my whole life story. All I need to be to you and everybody in this dome is a fixed point. The last man standing. I do not need your sympathy or your admiration. All I need is your compliance and your fighting skills. And if I can't get that, then you can go back to the wall that I found you crawling on. Do I make myself clear?
[turns his head away and gestures to his ear. Beckett grimaces, leans closer, and speaks]
Raleigh Becket: Yes, sir!

The Living Daylights (1987)

A secret agent should always be prepared to improvise in any escape situation. This obviously includes being able to use a cello as a ski.

American Dad, Season: 5 Episode: 2 - Moon Over Isla Island

[While in the boy's shower room]
Steve [mocking tone]: Hello, Schmuely.
Snot:[while glaring at Steve] The fuck did you just call me?

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Captain Koons (Christopher Walken) gives the watch speech to a young Butch in the flashback scene of Pulp Fiction:

warning: some racist language