2018 has been a very strange year from my perspective in terms of nightshow viewing. The wide eyed innocence of years ago seems long gone.
Back in time there was an almost permanent grin of excitement and satisfaction.
This was born out of certainty at best and mild confidence at worst that something amazing lay in store most nights.
If the ultimate measure is my calls made and temptation to call then the nightshow culture and viewing of old succeeded where the 10pm-5am hours of today so dismally fail. Wide eyes of yesteryear have turned into a struggle to keep both eyes or even one eye open. And too often my eye is a disparaging one.
A resignation and surrender too often emanates from my very being as I see so much naturalness and spontaneity only in my dreams for the future and memories of the past. Replaced with what?
Process driven mechanics, money grabbing, gimmicks and divine right mentality.
The honesty of endeavour seems too much in the minority, the inclination and ability to give oneself to the nightshow camera feels as though it lives in a different era.
But that era was not so very long ago.
And sometimes even when there is a babe inclination to give oneself to the camera the camera operator seems absent or is actually absent. Yes S66 I speak of you
. No desire anymore to play out scenarios in a bold, fearless, sexually stimulating way because pervcam must win at all costs and process must claim it's rightful silver medal with the bronze medal going to as many other gimmicks as a proverbial stick can be shaken at. Yes Babestation.....NOW I speak of you.
So where does this story end?
Well that's just it. It doesn't end. It merely goes aimlessly through a maze of mystifying bewilderment. Directionless, aimless and spineless to it's core.
Babes who seem to have inclination to please do not ACTUALLY please ME as much as they arguably should. As the shows have lost direction and purpose so have I.
I often look at nightshows now and ask myself
What is actually going on here if anything?
What is the point to this?
How has it come to this?
Not just this but a dismal, unimaginative, uninspiring THIS.
What motivation is there for me to truly enjoy.
Why do I feel an obligation to call in and try and make something interesting happen for the sake of my own sanity?
I call now in hope and trepidation, half suspecting I will get nowhere.
When I actually do get the result I'm after it feels like a cause for yippee, hoorah and ooh er misssus out of sheer surprise more than anything else
.
My attitude towards the shows has become all manner of irrational and goes every which way of confused. My former preoccupation with quality of babe attitude and willingness to push the boundaries no longer commands such importance to me anymore.
I have been sucked in by tits and arse and pussy in a way that betrays everything I used to enjoy the nightshows for i.e imagination, creativity, dynamism, sexual tension, spontaneity and feeling.
The hatred of bed sets has become so acute there is an overwhelming desire to find every bed set of every channel and burn the bloody thing
.
Before it used to be bed sets produce laziness.
Now it's just a case of 'FFS I hate bed sets'
without a rhyme or reason in the world to speak of
.
There are chinks of light if not beacons of hope.
Lola, Paige, Atlanta and Sophie to name a few.
And of course my one overwhelming passion that has melted my heart so very much.
Ashley Emma
.
But for all of this the sense of wonder has largely ebbed away.
I feel at a loss.
At a nightshow crossroads where all roads lead to the houses of either Mr P plugging his own house from his own unique angle at £20 per minute or an S66 camera operator who has left their camera outside the front door while they have a half hour fag.
I could choose to do the sensible thing and go to bed at 10pm every night.
But one part of me remains.
The fool part of me.
The part of me that says No snookered you can't go to bed. You must stay awake either in the vain hope something awesome will happen or in the safe knowledge that it didn't when it is too late to turn back the clock and go to sleep like you should have done
.
Snookered.........forever a fool.
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