Simpson's Funnies

Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. By true I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies and in the end, isn't that the truth?

The answer is no

Dad, isn't this stealing?

Read your town charter, boy.

"If foodstuff should touch the ground, said foodstuff shall be turned over to the village idiot."

Since I don't see him around, start shovelling!

Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer! His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory.

Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low



I'll be back to pick up Stampy in the morning

All right here's the keys

Elephants don't have keys

I'll just krep these then

Pull, Willie! Pull!

I'm doin' all the pullin', ya blouse-wearin' poodle walker!

Um, excuse me, Mr. Smithers. Bart may be seriously hurt. Could we possibly go ahead of you?

Um... no. I really would rather get this taken care of.

This so-called "new religion" is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools.

Let us say the Lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate.

Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

You, food bag, do you have a son?

Yes, sir, I do.

And is he a constant disappointment? Does he bring home nitwits and make you talk to them?

Oh, all the time. Have you ever heard of this kid Milhouse? He's a little wiener who...

Well, sir, treason season started early this year, as a nuclear sub was hijacked by local man Homer Simpson.

Oh, my god!

I told him that photo would come back to haunt him.