RE: 24 Season 7
I can't wait for 24 to start again. The best show on TV IMO. In honour of Jack and for anyone who has'nt seen them here are some Jack Bauer facts. This is just a shameless cut and paste job so I'm not sure if all of them are good.
A Zen student once asked his master: "Does Jack Bauer seek enlightenment?" To which the Zen master replied "No, enlightenment seeks Jack Bauer." At that moment, the student became enlightened.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Seriously.
Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
If Jack was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice, then kill both dictators with his bare hands.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
God created the universe in 6 days. That’s 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God.
Jack Bauer once shot a terrorist plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer then killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer taught Jesus how to die and then come back to life.
Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
Jack found Waldo in one hour. The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.
Jack Bauer knows where Carmen San Diego is.
Jack Bauer does not miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a terrorist 15 miles away, and can hear the fear in their heads from 2 miles away.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're screwed.
When a Jedi senses a great disturbance in the Force, it is Jack Bauer.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, "Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass."
Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack motherfucking Bauer.
If you break one of Jack Bauer's ribs, he'll just use it to stab you to death.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar system revolved not around the Sun, but around his gigantic balls.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other side of the line.
Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer, half the department mysteriously calls out sick. The fire department too, just in case.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer can stare directly at the sun.
While being put under in the hospitabl, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time.
Jack Bauer never has to preheat the oven.
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.
Jack Bauer can do one handed push-ups with no hands.
On his days off from CTU Jack Bauer helps old ladies cross the road. He does this by staring at oncoming cars. On the freeway.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
If Jack Bauer were to be elected President of the United States, Iraq would be a democratic nation.
One of the best kept secrets of 24 is that every season of 24 happens on the summer solstice. That is why Jack always says, "Today is the longest day of my life."
Let's get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Jack Bauer once killed a coworker who had skin cancer. Jack Bauer hates moles.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer types in ALL CAPS just so you know he's yelling.
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
Jack Bauer flosses with barb wire.
Jack is sorry for your loss, but he needs you to focus on the primary objective right now.
Losing a colleague or loved one for Jack Bauer is comparable to the feeling of missing the elevator for most people.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar. The minister was a terrorist and was immediately shot by Jack Bauer.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you'd better do it.
Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
Jack Bauer is never caught in traffic. That is because other vehicles fear Jack Bauer and stay out of his way.
Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX to follow him around.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer always gets checkmate in one move.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
Every guy that dates Jack's daughter loses a limb. Coincidence? I think not.
Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.
Fox executives once tried to cancel 24.... but Kiefer Sutherland asked " Are you a mole?" and it was never tried again.
When the doctor who delivered Jack Bauer saw that baby Jack wasn't crying, he spanked him. Baby Jack then turned around and broke the doctor's neck. Jack Bauer does not enjoy being spanked.
Jack Bauer once mistook a box of bullets for Cheerios in his cereal. He didn't even notice.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
'Flank 2' actually means, "Stand down CTU, I've got this under control."
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer doesn't lose weight, weight loses Jack Bauer.
There once was a man from Nantucket. Jack Bauer shot him.
Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission in under five minutes. The 24 hours is just creative editing.
God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy God.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
The ancient Chinese built the Great Wall of China not to repel the Mongols, but rather to repel Jack Bauer. It failed when he attacked over the Himalayas.
When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
Before heroin, Jack Bauer tried becoming addicted to speed... but it only slowed him down.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
In grade school, a little boy punched Kim, and she ran home to tell her dad. That little boy's name? Stephen Hawking.
Jack Bauer is the only man thus far to make Elisha Cuthbert call him daddy.
You're either with Jack Bauer or against him. If you're against Jack Bauer, you're either dead or will be soon.
When Jack Bauer gets within ten miles of you, you automatically start sweating.
If Jack Bauer asks you to trust him you are compelled by your DNA to do what he says.
When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
In God we trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer.
Reading facts about Jack Bauer is more additive than heroin.
Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer does.
Jack Bauer ordered Batman to name his sidekick Robin as a joke.
Jack Bauer was once allergic to the animal known as the Dodo Bird. Long story short, the Dodo bird is now extinct.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
When God said, "Let there be light," it was so Jack Bauer could see who he was going to shoot.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer has never pressed the Play button on his answering machine. Upon hearing beeps, he tortures the device until it gives up the messages.
When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
To sleep, Jack tortures himself to death, then wakes up fifteen minutes later.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
If Jack Bauer was on Oceanic Flight 815, he'd have been off the Island with 23 hours & 59 minutes to spare.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.
Oil and water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.
When Jack Bauer takes a dump he doesn't have to flush because his crap is so scared of him it goes straight to the drain by itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jack Bauer has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer's cell phone ring is not set to 'vibrate' on purpose. Letting the terrorists know where he is hiding is all part of his bigger plan.
Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE'S NO MORE TIME!"
Jack was going to cut Chase's hand off anyway. The bomb just gave him an excuse.
You will tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know. It's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.
Jack Bauer has never taken a dump that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these dumps, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris. Why? Because he's a pussy.
Jack Bauer does not care for names. Every entry in his address book is simply labeled "Son of a Bitch."
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears
"a clunge like a burst bean bag"
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