If You Ran A Babeshow What Would You Do?

A publicist, to keep people informed.
Bang Media please note.

If I were running a babe channel I would do just that, run *a* babe channel. I wouldn't try to build a network with dozens of babes, just one well-run channel with enough girls to keep it running 24/7, plus cover for holidays, sickness etc.

First of all OSG's they would be kept to a minimum, secondly no technical errors or faults I would hire the best production team and run the show smoothly, keep the fans constantly updated, approach ofcom and tell them in no uncertain terms to back the fuck right off or face the wrath of my lawyers and one of them would just happen to be Johnny Cochran. Also and most important the models would be treated well unlike others who treat them like a bag of shit. My show would also offer something different with more interesting sets and themes each night and definitely would not just be another clone off another channel. I would also not be making any false promises and then going back on my word like numerous other channels have done.

If I ran a channel - or several - Id:
Randomly flip from the babe/feed viewers had tuned in to another that they had flipped past, becuase people want to see what theyve turned down are missing.

Have really grotty sets, garages, prisons covered with shit, that sort of thing, because people want grot, not comfort and glamour.

Put the babes in exactly the same costomes each night, because people want safe, predictable.

Spend all my money on sets, leaving nothing for babes, skilled cameramen, etc.

Sub-let my channel to some bloke I met in a pub.

Have really flat lighting becusae people like the cold clammy "natural" look.

Get as many models as possible on one small bed at the same time. Its exactly like having 8 channels, without the cost.

Have a low bandwidth signal with lots of pixelation. People used to watch 405 line TV without complaining, and it leaves more money to spend on sets and babes.

Have the same dull monotonous voiceover every 30 seconds saying Babe 1 (no name) has a hot call and is about to orgasm. Thatll excite them.

Have a hugely expensive and over-elaborate set so people have something to watch if the babes are boing or have loo breaks.

Put the same model on for 8 hours, first on the soft pre-watershed show, then post watershed, then hard encrypted for 4 hours, because models are professionals and dont get tired, they just get more and more excited.

Put on a model with really ugly clumpy shoes and let her wear the same ones every single day. Viewers wont be looking at her legs anyway.

Have really bright, hard tungstern lighting. The models have perfect skin, soft focus is over-rated, squinty is sexy and its cheaper than buying cameras that work at low light levels. And a really sharp picture is a good starting point when using low bandwidth.

Suddenly cut from slim young coy models to fat elderly domatrix who couldnt give a toss (and the other way round). Viewers dont know what theyre missing until they see it, and it wont cause any emotional damage if they are mid stroke.

Or use ordinary fluourescent lighting. Yellow-green is a good look and its environmental too.

Put 2 models who loathe each other on together. Theyll compete like mad.

Paint the set in my favourite teams colours, everyone loves them.

Employ inexperienced models who lack self esteem and whose only previous modelling experience was a few topless pictures for the PE teacher. Theyll soon toughen up after the first few abusive drunks (and callers who put them on hold) and their low rates leaves more £ to get the lighting fixed.

Make every Friday gay night. Or ladyboy night. Its a busy night so that means lots of callers, right.

Sack everyones favourite presenter in as brutal fashion as possible. Thatll teach the others that no-ones guaranteed work.

Promote your Freeview channel every few minutes on Sky, because everyones got both right, thats why theyre watching Sky.

Play hardball with all your suppliers, withhold payment for services already delivered, make them drop their costs. You can manage without transmitting for a few days, they desperately need your money.

Put models with really rough voices, or annoying sqeaky one, on the mikes, let really cute but thick ones work the cameras. Everyone needs to broaden their skills by working on what they not good at.

Set up a forum and alienate everyone who visits it.

Randonly put psychic shit and teleshopping on your channel. Thatll confuse Ofcom.

OSGs mean calls. More OSGs mean more calls. Fill as much of the screen as you can with OSGs.

Start different channels at different times. Everyone knows all viewers wait until after midnight anyway, so you wont loose business.

Have soft "glamour" content because not everyone wants to see tits and arse, there are lots of big spenders out there who want to "adopt" a "nice" girl. And are too embarresd to watch Countryfile (Julia Bradbury), Strictly (Tess Daly), Naturewatch (Kate Humble) or Loose Women (any really).

Employ a bipolar model. Viewers will love the tension of guessing whether she is vulnerable or hyper tonight, and so will your compliance officer.

Save on taxis by getting the shy 17 year old sound technican to drive your hottest model home. He wouldnt dare sue for harrassment.

Specialise in niche fetishes that put many people off. Too many channels are chasing the pretty girl market. Randonly have a different fetish each night so viewers have the excitement of having to guess.

Give the models free booze. After the few hours theyll look cute as they sleep. Before that theyll tell every caller they are their best friend, ever. Next time give them gin for a cat fight. After that try Bacardi for an Ofcom compliance training session.

Viewers want calendars. Offer a special babe calendar. Perhaps an Advent calendar with 3 openings. Viewers take time to decide, so remind them. Often.

What do you mean, its been tried before?

Have a strip club attached to the studio where the girls could do alternate shifts between the two, I'd make a fortune

Following on from Matt63's How Does One Start A Babe Channel thread, imagine that you DID have the means and the inclination to do so.

A common consensus, rightly in my opinion, would seem to be that for said new channel to be a success, it would need to provide something DIFFERENT from the present channels in order to attract - and keep - new viewers/callers/listeners.

With that in mind, imagine it's YOUR channel, or at the very least that the money man behind the new venture has hired YOU to be the creative force behind said venture. What changes from the samey girl-on-bed-talking-to-callers format would YOU make which you feel would make the new channel a success.

Girls you'd hire can be mentioned, but it's the new FORMAT that is the main thing to think about here.

This is a tough call, as the girls always need to be available to take calls etc, and this limits creative opportunities.

Any ideas?

You never know - someone with some clout within the industry may be inspired...

^^ In reply to lindors post

Babestation extreme....sports!,Karina Currie abseiling down the side of Mount Etna completely naked,lots of focus on the word peaks and a play on words like vulvacano

(18-01-2011 00:34 )Chimpy Wrote:  ^^ In reply to lindors post

Babestation extreme....sports!,Karina Currie abseiling down the side of Mount Etna completely naked,lots of focus on the word peaks and a play on words like vulvacano

...and if it all went horribly wrong you'd get a premature eruption and the hottest, fieriest Currie ever. For about three seconds.

Missing key events. Talking bollocks. Making stuff up.
~~~SAVE THE KRILL!~~~

id sell my company and go play golf.

(18-01-2011 00:20 )lindor Wrote:  Following on from Matt63's How Does One Start A Babe Channel thread, imagine that you DID have the means and the inclination to do so.

A common consensus, rightly in my opinion, would seem to be that for said new channel to be a success, it would need to provide something DIFFERENT from the present channels in order to attract - and keep - new viewers/callers/listeners.

With that in mind, imagine it's YOUR channel, or at the very least that the money man behind the new venture has hired YOU to be the creative force behind said venture. What changes from the samey girl-on-bed-talking-to-callers format would YOU make which you feel would make the new channel a success.

Girls you'd hire can be mentioned, but it's the new FORMAT that is the main thing to think about here.

This is a tough call, as the girls always need to be available to take calls etc, and this limits creative opportunities.

Any ideas?

You never know - someone with some clout within the industry may be inspired...

Do you seriously believe anyone in the right mind would provide game changing information on a whole new format, with the potential to make a lot of money, for free on a forum?

Even when this kind of material is copyrighted, the general consensus is you only present it to certain people and companies with a proven track record...

You only have to watch Dragon's Den to realise that there is always a price to pay for anything with potential value in business...