Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

Kelly: Well Oddball, what do you think?
Oddball: It's a wasted trip baby, nobody said nothing about locking horns with no Tigers.
Big Joe: Hey look, you just keep them Tigers busy and we'll take care of the rest.
Oddball: The only way I got to keep them Tigers busy is to LET THEM SHOOT HOLES IN ME!!
Crapgame: Hey, Oddball, this is your hour of glory and you're chickening out!
Oddball: To a New Yorker like you, a hero is a weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on three Tigers.
Kelly: Nobody's asking you to be a hero.
Oddball: No? Then YOU sit up in that turret baby.
Kelly: No, because you're gonna be up there, baby, and I'll be right outside showing you which way to go.
Oddball: Yeah?
Kelly: Yeah.
Oddball: Crazy.... I mean like, so many positive waves.... Maybe we can't lose, you're on!

from dennis the menace

George Wilson: [turns on bathroom light and walks in but slips on wet soapy floor, doing a full split at the legs]
George Wilson: [grabs hold of the sink, to pull himself up] New pajamas. God bless them.
George Wilson: [opens medicine cabinet and takes toilet-cleaner mouthwash out. He pours some and gargles on it and then spits it out groaning in disgust]
Mrs. Martha Wilson: [hearing him from upstairs] Poor thing, I wish he'd get the hernia fixed.
George Wilson: [has mouth on running faucet as he's trying to frantically rinse his mouth]
George Wilson: [sniffling now, he reaches for the nasal spray-mouth wash. He squeezes some up one nostril. Squeezes up the other nostril. His face goes wild as he drops the container]
George Wilson: [howling wildly he plunges his head in the sink full of water and desperately tries cleaning his nose]

Tom Hanks in Catch Me If You Can, with a brilliant joke:

From Shaun of the Dead..

Shaun, Liz, Ed, Diane, David and Barbara are cornered in the pub, and Shaun is about to use the Winchester rifle to fend off the undead, who are rapidly forcing their way through the window.

Shaun: As Bertram Russell once said, the only thing which will redeem mankind is co-operation. I think we can all understand the importance of that now.

Liz: Was that written on a beer mat?

Shaun: (whispering) - yeah... it was Guiness Extra Cold...

Liz: (whispering) - I won't say anything..

Life On Mars - the Camberwick Green intro episode..

Sam Tyler (John Simm) is not feeling well. He's hallucinating..



Narrator: This is a box. A magical box, playing a magical tune. But inside this box there lies a surprise. Do you know who's in it today? It's Sam Tyler... Hello Sam.

(a claymation figure of Sam Tyler (John Simm) appears from the top of the box and waves)

Narrator: How are you today?
(Sam holds his head in his hands)
Narrator: Oh dear... not very happy. Is it Gene Hunt? Is he kicking in a nonce..?
(a claymation figure of Gene Hunt (Philip Glenister) is seen waving and then beating up a criminal with a dustbin lid)

Cut to Sam's bedroom. He wakes up to the phone ringing..

Sam: Tyler?
Chris Skelton (Marshall Lancaster): Boss.. are you still on that sickie?
Sam (shivering): Chris.... I'm fine... I just need another day...
Chris: It's just we could do with a bit of a hand here..

Sam looks up at the television... he sees Chris on the screen talking to him over the phone..

Sam: Chris? What the bloody hell are you doing there?
Chris: I work here, boss.. look we've got a bit of a situation brewing. Its nothing serious... but might end up in a couple of deaths... so can you hurry?

Sam is running through the street towards the police station. On the way he passes a radio which announces his overdose of medication due to a hospital error, a lolipop lady's sign saying "Oh Shit!" and a milkfloat which carries the message "overdose".

Sam arrives at the station canteen. Simon Lamb (Reece Dinsdale) is threatening to hang himself. Chris, Ray Carling (Dean Andrews) and Annie Cartwright (Liz White) are attempting to talk him down.

Simon: No! I've given you time. I've waited and waited. You don't know whar I'm going through!
Ray: Just come down Mr Lamb. Simon. We're doing all we can.
Simon: Release Graham Bathurst or they'll be dead! You've failed them!
Chris: Eh, come on Mr Lamb. I always say there's a time to take off the noose and put on the kettle.

Annie: Sam, we were hoping you could be the voice of reason.
Sam: I came out of a musical box...
Annie: (laughs slightly) er... a stabilising influence...?
Sam: They've screwed up my medication, Annie. I'm speeding! I've ODd!
Annie: For god's sake Sam, there's been a kidnapping. We've got two people missing, their lives are in danger. We've got no solid leads, and we're running out of time.
Sam: And.... I'm seeing things!
Annie: You're always seeing things!

Gene enters the room.

Gene: Oh you made it then! About bloody time!
Sam: (grabbing Gene by the shirt collar) As for you! I can handle you driving like a pissed-up crackhead, and treating women like beanbags, but I'm going to say this once, and once only Gene... STAY OUT OF CAMBERWICK GREEN!

Simon Lamb, shocked by the confrontation, loses his balance and slips off the edge of the table with the rope still round his neck!

From: A few good men.
Colonel N. Jessop: "We use words like honour, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something, you use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the very blanket of freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it".

mrs doubtfire 1993

Stu: [about Daniel] What can I say, Ron? The guy's a loser. See ya.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Loser? Oh, yeah.
[Takes a lime and throws it at Stu's head. Stu looks back, angry]
Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh, sir. I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff, Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting. I'll get them sir. Don't worry.