Funny Sayings And Quotes

"I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at ant time.so i asked for french toast during the Renaissance"-peter kay

"I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways"-John F Kennedy.

"Hit me at 80mph and there's an 80% chance I'll die.Hit me at 30mph and there's an 80% chance i'll live.Please stop trying to hit me"-Russel Howard.

"I have no problems with buying tampons.I'm a fairly modern man.But apparantly they're not a proper present.Happy birthday mum"-Jimmy Carr

"Spring is almost here,and the temperture's getting like Ant & Decs hairline-higher and higher"-Jonathan Ross.

"I'm not convinced about the whole idea of sex addiction clinics,all these sex addicts around each other.It's a bit like going to over eaters anonymous and finding everybody else is a cake"-Andy Parsons

"What exactly is a sin bin?.Some sort of Catholic skip?"-Michael McIntyre.

"When bees die,what do they come back as?...Zom-bees!"-Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

"My GP told me to do something a couple of times a week that gets me out of breath,so ive started smoking again"-Jo Brand.

"John Terry's agreed to do a lot for charity.And her sister,Verity,and her mum,Felicity"-Ed Byrne.