RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 02-06-2020 23:29
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: �If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If
you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, texted this reply:
"I am on the toilet. Please advise."
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 03-06-2020 18:37
I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly.
One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!”
I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 03-06-2020 18:38
Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.
Doctor: So, what’s the problem?
Pirate: Doc… it’s driving me nuts!
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 03-06-2020 18:41
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye.
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 03-06-2020 18:44
How is a thunderstorm similar to sex?
You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 03-06-2020 18:48
Is Google male or female?
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 03-06-2020 18:54
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a wedding cake.
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 04-06-2020 11:13
A guy says to his buddy, "My girlfriend is so selfish and rude, every time I give an orgasm, she just spits it out."
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 04-06-2020 11:15
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ...
They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ...
I must be a God!
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 04-06-2020 11:17
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
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