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+---- Thread: Jokes (/showthread.php?tid=3004)
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RE: Jokes - Snooks - 28-06-2023 14:21
I've dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I won’t rest till I find it.
RE: Jokes - Tractor boy - 29-06-2023 22:23
The local salad packing factory is looking for staff.
The hours are terrible but the celery is rather good.
RE: Jokes - Skyline - 01-07-2023 10:47
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 01-07-2023 18:21
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer-hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were longtime members of a hunting camp.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain’t Stanley.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Stanley.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gomer said, “Well, Stanley had two assholes.”
“What! Two assholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, we never seen ’em, but everybody used to say, there’s Stanley with them two assholes.”
RE: Jokes - Snooks - 01-07-2023 18:23
What happens when a microscope runs into a telescope?
They kaleidoscope.
RE: Jokes - Snooks - 14-07-2023 18:00
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One: The narcissist holds the light bulb in place while the rest of the world revolves around him.
RE: Jokes - Factotum - 15-07-2023 05:35
I'm hopeless at cooking, I boiled some eggs the other day but after an hour they were still hard! ...
RE: Jokes - Factotum - 15-07-2023 05:45
A film director is instructing an actor, "In the next scene I want you to make love to her like an animal, imagine you're a gorilla, or a lion, or a bear, or something". "Got it" replies the actor "I'll do the beast I can".
RE: Jokes - Factotum - 15-07-2023 05:51
My girlfriend told me that I should plan more for the future, so I went out and bought a dozen cases of beer.
RE: Jokes - Tractor boy - 18-07-2023 16:45
Two sperm are swimming along.
When will we reach the womb ? Asks one.
Be a while yet says the other, we have only just passed the tonsils.