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+---- Thread: Jokes (/showthread.php?tid=3004)
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RE: Jokes - Summerz_180 - 06-11-2009 18:26
Signs that say "Please use other side walk" make me cross.
RE: Jokes - Summerz_180 - 06-11-2009 18:33
Finally figured out what the letters mean when defining bra sizes (A) absent (B) barely visible © come in handy (D) damn big (E) enormous (F) fucking fake.
RE: Jokes - Summerz_180 - 06-11-2009 18:56
A bloke is playing darts in the pub. He throws his first dart & hits double twenty. He throws his second dart & hits double twenty again. He throws his third dart & this time it hits the metal wiring on the board, bounces back and hits a nun in the eye who was standing there, instantly killing her. The bloke then leaps for joy shouting:
"ONE NUN DEAD & EIGHTY!!!"
RE: Jokes - Summerz_180 - 06-11-2009 19:14
I recently registered with a new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about the comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He replied, “Do you smoke or drink alcohol?”
“No,” I said. “I’m not doing drugs, either.”
Th...en he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said, “No, my last doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy.”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun playing football, golf or rugby?” he continued.
“No, I don’t,” I said.
“Do you gamble, ride motorbikes or have a lot of sex?”
“No,” I said.
“Then, why do you even give a shit?”
RE: Jokes - darkhero2009 - 06-11-2009 22:17
How do you get five chavs in a Vauxhall Nova?
..........
Take two out.
RE: Jokes - Summerz_180 - 07-11-2009 14:05
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of decency and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat!"
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift by itself."
RE: Jokes - Summerz_180 - 07-11-2009 14:05
Birthdays are good for you.
Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest...
RE: Jokes - synerd - 07-11-2009 16:49
How do you know that your at a bulimics birthday party....
The cake jumps out of the girl.
RE: Jokes - synerd - 07-11-2009 17:20
Sex has gone downhill, so i bought the wife a dildo. She said "it looks like a giant carrot"
Which is ironic as her fanny looks like a donkey yawning!
RE: Jokes - synerd - 07-11-2009 17:37
Prostitute, new to the game was told by her pimp "no sex for the 1st 7 days, just wanks"
She asks, "why only wanks?"
Pimp says "union rules, you gotta work a week in hand."