RE: Jokes - kelly1066 - 23-12-2018 23:52
What do you call an Elf who just won the lottery..? W-Elf-hy..!
Where does an Elf get his broken arm fixed..? On the NES .. National Elf Service..!
RE: Jokes - GMach1 - 24-12-2018 00:10
What happened to the pixie that drunk too much?
It got pixie-lated!
Elf's favourite film 'Gnome Alone'
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 24-12-2018 16:07
Me: "Son, you're adopted".
Son: "Wow really? I'd never have guessed!".
Me: "I'm glad you're taking this so well. Anyway go pack your bags, your new parents will be here in 10 minutes".
RE: Jokes - Jack the Nipper - 25-12-2018 18:30
Not wishing to sound like The Grinch or anything but I fucking hate Christmas but it's mostly because of all the shit presents I used to receive throughout my childhood from my miserly parents.One year I remember fondly seeing a huge parcel by the Christmas Tree with a label attached to it 'The Best Christmas Present Ever !'.After spending 10 minutes or so tearing through a multitude of boxes that resembled a Russian Doll I eventually found my present...a broken drum.
- It just couldn't be beaten.
RE: Jokes - Jack the Nipper - 25-12-2018 18:37
I was doing a spot of late Christmas shopping at the weekend when I got approached by a prostitute who said "I'll do anything for £30!" so I got her to decorate my house.
RE: Jokes - Jack the Nipper - 25-12-2018 21:42
Why can't a bicycle stand upright on it's own - Because it is always two tired.
RE: Jokes - Jack the Nipper - 25-12-2018 21:54
When I got home late last night on Christmas Eve on greeting the girlfriend I handed her a lovely bunch of flowers to which she sarcastically commented "Huh, I suppose I better open my legs for those!".I replied "They would look much better in a vase!".
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 27-12-2018 13:42
A bunch of scumbags stole 10 crates of Red Bull from the local shop last night.
I don’t know how these bastards sleep at night...
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 27-12-2018 13:46
My mate has been struck off the Medical Register. He did the unforgivable deed of falling in love and having sex with one of his patients.
Terrible shame, as he is a cracking fella and the best vet for miles around.
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 27-12-2018 13:49
Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his lips?
Apparently he was drinking tea before it was cool.
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