RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 08-12-2019 22:34
One Christmas Eve, Santa was under a lot of stress.
He and Mrs. Claus had just had a fight, it was nearly time to leave and his sleigh wasn't loaded, and the elves were talking about going on strike.
Then an angel walked into his office and asked, "Hey, Santa, what do you want me to do with this Christmas tree?"
And so was born the tradition of there being an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 09-12-2019 23:34
A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.
He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"
She says, "It's me lower mouth."
He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"
She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's got lips..."
He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"
She says, "Not yet. . ."
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 10-12-2019 23:24
One day Pastor flaps was walking past the pub when he saw through the window one of his congregation sitting at the bar drinking whiskey. Not wanting any of his flock to be part-taking in this evil pass-time he rushed in shouting " Mary Mary put that down and you are coming home with me". So Mary drops the glass and staggers to her feet but looses her balance and falls into Pastor Flaps, sending him flying too, as he was just a small wee man. Anyways Mary ends up lying on top of the Pastor, skirt up around her neck and passes out drunk. When the bar man, who was in another room, comes in to see what all the noise was about and sees Mary on top of the Pastor on the ground he comes to the wrong conclusion and shouts "Hey stop now and get up!!! there will be no sex in this Pub". To which the priest says "You don't understand I am Pastor Flaps" so the Barman Gives up and says "Well if you're that far in you might as well keep going!!!"
RE: Jokes - lovebabes56 - 11-12-2019 07:52
Let's make this thread's next section for all your Xmas jokes until Xmas Eve!!
RE: Jokes - gizmo109 - 11-12-2019 19:39
Santa: Doctor, I've got a mince pie stuck up my arse.
Doctor: Don't worry, I've got some cream for it.
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 11-12-2019 19:51
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 11-12-2019 19:52
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.
It was sole destroying!
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 11-12-2019 20:20
(11-12-2019 19:52 )billyboy1963 Wrote: I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.
It was sole destroying!
RE: Jokes - i'llbeback123 - 11-12-2019 21:38
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 11-12-2019 22:21
If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke.
If they drink the whole bottle, they might even give it a little suck
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