One word story - The story so far.

what can I say ... move over Shakespeare

"Always telling stories about monkeys driving in tanks towards Wembley chipshop when Violent eruptions sprayed liquid fire over Cameron Diaz who was eating crisps while watching babestation naked covered in lard slipping fingers upwards forcefully into nostril of some seven Suffering dwarfs which technically speaking isn't abuse as they loved kissing feet fourteen ways"

The story so far ...

When obligatory conditions dictate what you do next will you dare to try and diligently make use of elephants to cause a haberdashery to explode dramatically without injury because fortunately y-fronts dont make armour-plated scotsmen because chaffing causes anal friction and discomfort because gypsies masturbate mentally in tune with pianos but plastic balls wouldnt be so popular thought the poulting freakapotamus wondering if nostradamus spanked flumparella with malicious intent enjoying each sadistic barbaric orgasmic extreme pumping moment then bang and everybody exploded inside their trousers which kelly and thought was worthy of angry response without attempting to change their subscription with playboy because tranny lactation isn't something you gargle easily without expert balance unless very sticky situations provide an excuse nobody could have seriously wanked when facing another ordeal although when stressed its incredibly silly behaviour which results in terrible acute illnesses and severe inflammation on llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch hospital nurses undress seductively before grabbing caressing fondling regroup and slowly walk toward dangerous dave's python slithered across the sand suddenly strike action against nuns inflicting virginal lifestyle terror enhancing spread through the nunnery inflicting extreme misery on all penguins it being advent season means nothing to rhinos as they obviously wanted something but without spunkbubbles protruding out of their orifice inseminated bitch farming an illegal plant supplied narcotics to mafia pokemon henchmen grabbed ak-47's grenades ammunition then boarded the hercules and flew over the ocean entering the erogenous zone island were rampant erotic women who love having fornication with henchmen who needed some nooky so grabbed their hot sticky bodies and liberated themselves with plenty of passion and fornication plus they wanted more lube cakes and rectal inspection moving onto away bowels from hell jacking off suddenly eruption squirted covered faces were exposed to semen gushing gargled humiliating pearl droplets descended from orgasmic to frenzied mud fight wrestling and oil covered breasts all ready for viewing however when you pull always be vigilant as carelessness leads to hospital beds where drastic measures are taken using everything that comes available including chainsaws and vaseline although safety becomes an important issue as slipping would cause your condition to become extremely gay unless the hemroids inflict torture on anal track discharging fluids over london annihilating most of ofcom rejoicing with barrels of methylated spirits and coke which inhaled will elevate superman to new testicles which are bullet-proof flame retardant hair extensions also penial cream for emergency operation to the boil on the bum that needed attention before complications make things irreparable and beyond hope the trouble disappears quickly without causing fatalities although apparently one survivor fell head first into some faeces that caused people bowel problems to cope with until stormtroopers arrive and rescue civilians with matchsticks even though they sting if you fart so hard expect the worst unextrordinary explosion like atomic clock ticking towards twelve midnight the tension was disturbing psychiatric help provided by nurses with crabs that infect your entire hairy cat scanned but nobody could determine how pussy juice tasted bitter or prehaps sweeter depending upon the temperature tasted bitter when cold but fantastic when hot this pussy tasted like sweet napalm similar to the wine grown from california vineyards and arnie schwarzenegger claims compensation regarding his alleged pile of uzzi 9mm's suppositorys when asked how he'd found douching in margate he found enchanting views around him but nothing could stop his resolve this morning he decided shit is bad so sitting back showing his arse proudly much to the annoyance of his wife she screamed fatarse muthafucka this put arnie off anal burger for life sticking fingers into eye ball socket thus infecting himself badly causing liverpudlian bitches syndrome only discovered louise backfired ripping head from enraged hookers then dismembered every prostitute they found intoxicated and hid evidence in soho underground cellar chained and gagged sexually when exploited ninja queens whoring majestically through shit hot encrusted syphilis type eruptions running towards their orifice area causing spurting toxic slime mutating into alien form shemales south bound along glasgow,s govan area drinking den getting titilated and astonished pimps bidding on snake bite with piss laced panties thrown against statues willy catching policeman unaware causing pepper like dust to become stuck inside the toilets trying cottaging but got distracted by strange lady shouting obscenities such as motherfucker twinkletoe-cocksucker and fuck-you yes please doctor who pump my pussy cat roughly and impregnate mother nature like the wh'ore from hell incarnate burning her bush for sexual tension release when stressed causing permanent orgasmic sensations throughout the year spanking bishop rumping-runcie calling insemination please unleash huge amounts of washing douches laughing hysterically when listening to van-der-graaf-generator for wind turbine energy damaged strapon penis because thermodraft causes irritable bowel syndrome and leaves acidic marks around the gravestone named unlucky loser should enter tombs filled with goats bladders smelling pungent human faeces covering dismembered fingers and as discovered late into autopsy of anal cavity horrified villagers ran defiantly from ardipithecus primitive mindgames thus keeping bastards at abattoir where depraved things happen when whores attack vice-cops sexually disabling themselves instantly by pushing vicars through the black black hole whereupon sleazy lawyers shafted the community from behind humping their camels thus finding elixir the sheik naked asked fancy coming round to mine entrance and filling me crevice with mutton-daggers screaming bastards you'll never take me alive you heartless cocksuckin' mercenary open to fisting bumholes take your forceps doctor and open my dirty passage for pleasure although you'll fart loudly laughing scumsucking priests hiding within church you shifty motherfuckers don't preach religious hypocrisy you tossers depend on bullshit its cheesewizz you,re theories cant stop superdick getting circumcised with chainsaws nobody can prevent blood flowing down this strangled member of perverts-r-us because excruciating move away would satan befriend steptoe home cooked testicles packed with herpes though thrush is tasty enough with aids cooked sausage fingers spiting bile filled semen down smackheads high cat sat navigation which exploded in plume purple right between ribs smashing internal organs into nothingness singing praises from sinatra ratpack rat sandwich spread with lots o-slimey snot casserole with cheese wotsits sticking from mouldy shit sprayed vomit projectiles over prime-minister leaving brothel with munters that beat nuns breasts the tune imagine that carrot sticking between their allotment garden furniture gnomes molesting barbie queue sausages dipped deep inside shit sticking marinade sauces tasted vile in your kitchen when cooking chips without oil causing massive inflammation to surgical stockings tied around cafeter which grated bawbag fishnetted model citizens aspirations diminished bullshitting complex when attacking ones opinion about shaggin' clergymen reverse gangbang styley with sheepskin condoms stinking breath of anthrax riddled cerebral pains shudder busting erections caused embarrassed reactions overboard birdwatching binoculars smeared whilst wanking behind scousers anfield kop with grease gonads slipping on sandpaper blood lust wonder bra with jugs for you to fill enough energy from lusting hunchback bitches stripping naked dwarf whores stinking breath whiskey vodka gin tequila yeah pissed yet happy go apple flavoured tampons dipped with aniseed stuck drying prunes squashed melons always taste sweeter with breasts sucking although bleeding gums drawing back then surprisingly broken foreskins spurting facehuggers openly fisted pensioners get high on jizzlobbing trannies gobbing over sheepshaggers fisting t-baggers on acid drops inside tesco,s checkouts complaining about backsackandcrack wax failures because stubble inflicts rashes when scratched leaving infections on bodies organs rotting like vegetables boiled excretement stools trying diets people hate that cause breath smells worse than arseholes smeared in chipfat sicked puss filled by cheddar biscuits with wine party crashers fighting over crack wheat cereals hidden inside every box of putrid maggot ridden cornflakes riddled with sour milk thats toxic waste poured down smackheads trousers ridding them of pubes crawling crabs lice and worms eating cheeseburgers with fries costing 20pounds fifty pence disgraceful degrading filthy lowdown pathetic attempt enraged tiddlywinks hardcore abusive dimwits encrusting cheesehelmets with polluting vapors of cheese bombs hidden inside thongs suspended inside draculas cape exposing suspenders stockings soaked cooking porridge stolen from cooks asshole bank robber wearing sporran scottish swagger pissed pants and soggy bottoms cuttin' new grooves and twisting the nutts beyond dover and buggering fattys rather enlarged shitholes oozing mountains rocky peaks stretching across bush muff surprisingly falling shy of misconduct disgracefully unused assets not performing monkeys who swear while choking bananas bullshitting stories about beyonce sang blues songs electrifying perfomances for munters and scrotes helping make tealeaves taste death tonic like anthrax playing games with girls playing with strap-ons shoes smell cheesy stockings removed against their will leaving them naked but climaxing loudly and erotically given head sexual positions by dominatrixes spanking monkeys arses yelling chinamen catches duck in soup when smokey bananas slipped sideways preventing shit-stained dildo's from twisting corks too driven roadworthy dumpers dumping shitloads of knocked off porn confiscated thursday from gordon ramsay"s hell's kitchen nightmares outtakes department of correction facility punishment charged with twentythousand canings lashed backsides spanking prison guards taking deepthroat sausage gently inserted upwards irritating enough is being caught walking naked swingin' free hermaphrodites copulating savagely without due quicksilver injected infected poison tainted urine which tickles toes licking arses is regular food for politicians crawling after miniature golf tiger/woods shagging sheep roughly and ewe shearing is kinky erotic clippers for titilation and fornication between sharon and tracy while fishing for tramps-vests seaweed toiletseats caught crabs pinched nutsacks with pliers hurting insanely then breaking nuts ouch said bitches thats barking snarling growling pisshead crackhead teacher who belted students for misbehaving licking arseholes laced with pvc/pants sweating buckets about overflowing toilet keyhole jerker jizzlobbin' and fisting dwarf hookers worth nothing lower than snakes/ass bitten poisoned deadly dose incapacitating those disgusting cheap dirty trailer/trash squirrels always nibbling nuts why roast donkey with boiled snakesass wrapped round diamonds always cuts off key parts and feeds ducks dynamite that explode bollocks everywhere causing infertility shrouded in men feeling inadequate about relationships involving satans sister lucy bangs drums paradiddle then pokes her 'hootenanny' huh? asked the senator while poking esther in kathmandu during parliament's questions resulting in uproar that pingu could appease so ultimately causing widespread damaging slander that eventually caused mass hysteria reverberating glockenspiel music terrible sound why is whatever nonsense where ever german people pontificate sarcastic immoral vagabonds always telling stories about monkeys driving in tanks towards wembley chipshop when violent eruptions sprayed liquid fire over cameron diaz who was eating crisps while watching babestation naked covered in lard slipping fingers upwards forcefully into nostril of some seven suffering dwarfs which technically speaking isn't abuse as they loved kissing feet fourteen ways with convincing snowhite agreed rapidly towards depraved nymphomaniacs covered in semen wearing jodhpurs around equine aroused bottoms situated upon stumps without cricket balls in between ravishing looking eyes suspended high above the purple sky suddenly all hope was lost instead because corrupt batmen driving bicycles made quicker coitus foreplay using ovenglove covered cannon sized bullet tipped darts aimed at everybody which caused mayhem inside johannesburg where pornstars playing away with gusto breathlessly and rampantly shagging sweating onions crying bugger who destroyed england supporting scum with one voice screaming bollocks to decency because flamingos swarm candles lit defensively guarding german transvestites eating sausages laced with moist michelle cum using spatula shaped dildos aimed squarely towards pompous forumposters because masturbation makes bluebeard sing yo-ho-ho all because he couldnt shag moll blueballs in the outback kangaroos kicking footballs towards aboriginies pissed on my binoculars charming said rolf the little wherewithal as given that urine tasty but tainted fluids run down skyscrapers magestic towering inflatable dolls that radiate heat from tiny holes placed awkwardly probally sinbad wouldn't stick to flicking instead of massaging turtles who duck down under nunchucks swung by exotic dancers wearing strapon helmets that revolve around their bodies implying they can't hulahoop for money instead they poke fun at bank side clowns slap on make-up like madonna on crack road ways up-end by digger doing dirty motions incredible as jcb's are noisy and tend to cause mayhem especially around beaches breasts that were massive suddenly burst sadly for viewers who can't cum without being assisted by artificial intelligence vibrators set to maximum stun resulting in devastating terror klingons everywhere shouting like jam scented vulcans wielding lightsabers rather dull despite having skills to battle things explosively well they manage popstars embarrising for cowell as emu is sweaty and loves boybands singing rubbish songs and mime like kylie in neighbours but then nobody expects the fuckers to punch bowl full of vodka smelling salts can you inhale whilst touching divorce courts with feathers around their fanny area trying on skimpy trenchcoats made cheaply for men type that somehow shimmer brightly lighting up cigars with dynamite mixed with semtex because the rocket fuel can seriously endanger fairies wings by setting fire spitting flames up policeman helmets aggravating their balance causing extreme joy periods tempered to relax the sphincter rapidly expanding haemorrhoids can explode causing zombies to feast on blood of ants mixed with sticky tissues all very wherewithal for wiping seepage out of your hair vigorously spraying weedkiller flavoured milk towards the assassins in bolton devastating local wildlife with robots football fouling thoughtful pigeons flying through hell without parachutes causing fertilisation within demons which burst forth throughout all of the kitchens worldwide when corpses levitate above worktops filled with cardboard cut-outs of chuck norris and sausages made using cow's nostrils seasoned with paprika sauce makes huge breakfast feast platter for more bite power walking robots malfunction system overload pussy cats purr like engines stalling intermittently whenever they transform into pants however not the y-fronts because thongs slide down arses unless strong smelling peppermints dissolve sweat glands before robotic arms grip swing throw monkeys around banana flavoured forests glades because paige removed her earrings then ate there tails with curry flavoured spatulas dipped in caty's cum drops which spawned frenzied elves to enlighten aliens tea leaves readings so et could phone home for takeaway kebab burgers topped sardines caught when surfing hawaii's grass smoked need steroids inserting sharp ended needles beneath the bottom of the malnourished rump steak milkshake band tightened around loosely hung like flags on castles ramparts where ghostbusters fail to exterminate breezy south-westerly winds from causing hanggliders to dive into verdant forest glades putting lubricant into the section where birds delight their owners special dispensation suspicious packages in corridors are ticking but never explode inwards unless gravitic pressure forces can dance pirouettes precariously close when suddenly haile tip-toed around eggshells painted with spots because easter was yesterday halloween costumes don't conceal those pendulous figures instead scary spice invited mister gummidge for dancing and dinner but mister bond arrived in full tuxedo and licensed to kill so watch spy cameras to begin flashing at next superstores after this he decided that the best thing would also persuading cheryl cole into showing some of figure before douching the microphone for because words cannot describe how long string stretches under bridges before passing jennifer aniston driving past george clooney in mcdonalds carpark holding both cashiers at gunpoint while silent alarms were going off like the clappers suddenly braking hard causing brad pitt to ejaculate all over kate beckinsale and shih-tzu themed wallpaper brushes before jennifer injected herself with bubblebath so many bubbles around their caravans toilet u-bend cleansing lady gaga from space satellite landed vertically where no-one saw alliens urinate against gravity sung by pixie lott waving flags depicting sadomasochism collaborative politicians running towards trees in slow motion while watching squirrels fornicate vigorously because nuts will fall backwards until someone throws up beyond belief causing major anger therapy with dire consequences of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious said that copper mines in chile shouldn't employ ill-natured ruffians precisely pointing at weak spiders fangs piercing the tape around bendy sticks because they didn't break off when godzilla sneezed causing london earthquakes like mexico jumping jacks dancing the conga like nuns on bouncy castles shouting rude words at cultists who scream the ceiling fanatically whereby all those who stood awkwardly in line waiting expecting the outcome of united and quintessentially cracked limbs doctors flying over the outback noticed bush shaving farmers eyeing digging tools preparing lunch for the ladies so badly eventually burning protesting chef making powdery stuff using salt pepper and cocaine mixed with cannabis meanwhile in gotham city there batman appeared and saw robin catwoman with robin who leapt over the electrical blanket scorching his cape flew over rivers beyond norway but iceland was too far without rockets and porn stars flapping their wallets backwards revealing used fivers to pay fines for loitering outside the school bus driven by the fat controller who molested gophers head laughing inanely at how many carrots there are in norway where jedward kidnapped demanding noel's box to of saliva flavoured lemons so tangy fresh prince william completely forgot how to rule kates bedroom rabbit vibrator and nightgown harry watched camilla performing oral on wagner under the stage whilst actors acted shakespeare's hamlet play badly fluffing lines forgetting words specifically abusive towards potatoe himself said my head explodes whenever exposure is overblown from cheap shampoo unfortunately unavoidable there can be only one true answer headlice in various orifices protruting diagonally quickly weeping from multiple orgasams hysterically advocate the therefore endorsement committed incest soullessly testing morals to the maximum available limit to secure porn contacts waiting forever for buses driving along banana milkshake highway until reaching strawberry avenue adjacent to elephants trunk end five times through both ends by sailing rod stewart and scooby to china where snow covers high priests collars changing from beyond the curtains to maneuver world domination towards female empowerment of countries beginning with wales was overwelmed with leaks and torrents escaping through cracks elongated by stretching lips wide open until nine footballs fit inside love snugly around the sofa cushions lurked slimy oozing builders bums muck steaming hot piles reading bibles before sermons about ofcom dishing horrendous breakfasts containing obscured cornflakes weetabix milk tasting like porridge mixed with sugar smelling sweetly for hours on computer programmes hacking spamming downing stalin and shots faster with help from twitter messages claiming madonna wears conical knickers beneath layers of mounds wobbling jelly and cream leftovers baked beans bath with celebrity jungle kangaroo called skippy hopped over fences surrounding garden gnomes shouting obscenities at each wherewithal however groups chanted christmas carols aggressively towards david blunkett who cried because secretly he yerned jennifer sneaking towards tramp street dog breath pouring vinegar tits gordon smiled at his mirror on tuesday morning before stumbling upon an goblin teasemaid brewing disgusting liquid darjeeling with questionable colour co-ordinated with matching biscuits dunking deeper until dropping the essential morsel into abyss from vast canyons exploding forth projecting shiny missiles aimed at chico babestation dodged paying for taxes like rupert bear tried reading from behind closed doors with possibly the nastiest case of hemroids infected anus via nurses plunging syringe deep into wrinkly cheek despite blowing raspberries at the nurse assistant surgeon only he could deliver the final judgment to daleks and forgetful cybermen never surrender said churchill woofed give it hard wood axe stokes fires red lips pucker up said down below where they sank to the floor in tower records where who exposed themselves to fifteen milfs temptations urges them to undress quickly so they could get them into the jacuzzi filled with custard pies that explode all over the local area causing undue damage around the rim of toilets extensively covered with paper cuts between their shiny metal thighs tights over broadway theatres stage cast of glee shown the dvd they had stolen from about his orgy with britney spears and angelina jolie while christina aguilera spanked the monkey and organ-grinder was playing margaret thatcher pussy juice when revolting miners demanding bigger wages to spend on calling babes mum's cooking ofcom twats are all bastards because they make us angry because it happens to be certain bbc presenters who have narrow minds regularly make blinkered analysis about babeshow hotties but gameshow contestants won the holiday to ofcom land the home of hopless pirates who shag mermaids from behind the and wonderous beginings make stories seem so bad always emphasising it's only negative characteristics however small minded individuals often irritate bowels causing screams from young frodo horrifying the wizard pulled out of rivendell inhabited by elves who obstruct vision between walls on thursdays and saturdays singer sounds extremely drunk on intoxicating guinness whilst attempting to dance the funky chicken while wearing clogs on slippery slope skiiers carved their way out of birmingham what became known as metropilis where women who can bend their back over whilst giving desperate housewives their deserved pleasure of shameless exhibititionism rewarded fragmented by members jumping over people qualified only in their perpetual ways of dance steps are buried under layers of wobbly knockers devouring chocolate eggs and jaffa cakes with cups of tea provides many opportunities to reveal things that only exist when they sleep in bed with xylophones and robots that obey their unwanted presents gladly remaining unwrapped until victory comes derisory because they outside juggling their balls really fast and trying to improve their record of all footballers that they want for playing rude games with themselves daily only because exhaustion disintegrates all those people who destroy dinner parties because hungry footballers wives have needs also and they started demanding more wonga from the fa fabio capello promised many bonuses but did not realise who paid the wages for richard madeley and judy finnigan were aroused themselves from knowing that they couldn't get porn stars into elevator without squeezing their zits on buttons roughly sewn beneath their habits to hide pink cd's blasting out from loud speakers placed upon the kitchen worktops disturbed by the popping of balloons between tonilou and mel began attracting strange offers from balloon lovers despite only showing their large collection of false nails which they kept locked inside her titanium necklace for hundreds and thousands of years without parole to prevent consider criminals from mafia style council concert at butlins skegness went partying with charlie sheen and nailed many pornstars against fridge with heavy metal music playing loudly which upset george lucas because he couldn't concentrate on his extra curricular activities like bondage seeking lovers with whips cracking loudly across their behinds causing sore areas around eminem's face pulsating and swollen tecticles caused severe pain to his poster of david beckham which showed his nasty right testicle to rihanna bent over the bonnet vagina causing loads of bee's buzzing around her bum until disaster struck when she stuck a huge carrot up her juicy pungent hole crying over the missing fifty pounds belongning to prince harry for his nazi uniform dry-cleaning bill which was stained owing to careless perverts performing inexplicable acts of sodomy up her pipe while friggin static electricity builds circuits that enable lasers to fire concentrated orange beams cocktails towards skyline and penetrate her urethra which suprised beyonce immensely because she never wanted electricity up her passageway with extra chilli sauce poured all over her bare boobs meanwhile jennifer aniston slowly manipulated began her experiment with pornographic material which began kinky arousals in her anus that expands when kissed and licked with tenderness imagine having vegetables shoved hard into your ears would hurt but really nobody would understand except greengrocers because marrows are delicious when inserted sideways without lubrication causing major discomfort anal manipulation gaping was what she wanted squirting out coffee flavoured tangerine segments coated in treacle spunk ejaculated freshly squeezed by cwpussylovers right hand wanking fast thinking about fernandas lurverly snatchimportant nice juiced and wet meanwhile back in passage the postman pervert unzipped his fly revealing his calvin kliens wherewithal his nuts ached after hours tickling her pussy which she frigged relentlessly until cumming and screaming squirting all over cwpussylovers face lucky bastard but not before finding genital juice smeared all over her huge vulva which glistened brightly in spunkdrops spread finely over her toast eaten bareback gleefuly licked like pornstar should buy giant silicon tited baloons filled with piss stained panties from dildos used anally without lube vaginal blood mixed with juices of vaginal wind fluttered around like litter in london the smell stank like rotten nightmares evaporating into the ether area surrounding narnia land with minators eating the shit tasted like semolina with brussel sprouts mixed with dogfood regurgitated puke and spunk from rotting pussies belonging to granny serena williams niece called to say that your cock is infected with festering boils and walts contacted by your dirty raincoat with stained crispy baked chips with mushy peas which are never eaten by germans because they dont suck on lemons mostly squeezed by eskimos wearing leather coats that dont open properly causing fustration to those around them due to overpopulation of china in spring dont like doing 功夫 because its painful when some one leathers you in the ballsack with hobnail boots causing catastrophic scarring around the scrotom area which wont get treatment because obama cant release his farts above the ozone layer supprisingly close to sputnik orbiting the earth within it's atmosphere but the government never anticipated the fallout from nuclear weapon armageddon at precisely dawn the year was 2525 mankind became endangered species so repopulation was essential for task orientated projects that will reinvigorate the population of so earth will survive outbreak of stupidity because ignorence is bliss but occasionaly there will always be someone who thinks they better change their habbits before midnight or else the world as soon will explode when planets collide vapourising whenever they they win nothing except loosers medals made from plastic coated bullets victory cannot be achieved love will running quickly the heart ruining the love between nine lesbains action and everyone licks stamps before attatching some to priced parcels containing pornography of epic unadulterated proportions were sent to nine tall homosexual chinese panda's who couldn't open the case's without fingers because they never learned the simple art of folding paper origamists like sex windmills turning for pleasure before midnight arrives completely annihilating graveyards completely unless time stops when prance about menacingly wearing brightly fluorescent underpants inside his blue jeans that ride up like dental implants exploded everywhere out of sight and landed close to my greenhouse entrance open which way you like to suck it always moving sideways unless you move faster than expected dhl parcel sent by jesus montero to major nelson regarding war against the nasty boys' shitty tights which nuked the previous tuesday afternoon just before punching pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism someone between the eyes causing eternal pain because their optical illusion has confused himself incessantly with strange thoughts since 1966 when last won the world cup rather than germany who cheated the uruguayans out of winning the world cup in 2010 in bizzaro world all records regarding elvis were stolen by morrissey during his farewell colonoscopy tour of manchester supported by bananarama and slade it seemed to pass without fear of jedward since the pest-control exterminated their existence violetnly from all the records they achieved cant compare to winning the hand job from nora who lives in birmingham next door to ozzy osbourne who is high as a kite most of the time and place sharon went mental because he would deficate on kellys career thankfully jack is talentless but very determined when cornered he attacks anyone who dares to tell the press that ozzy beats his parrot with yesterday's newspaper which contained pictures of the family holiday but missing escort found lying face down in ozzys lap licking his plate clean but sharon never liked ketchup except when mixed with ozzy,s tears she sometimes wiped away kelly,s lipstick from the top of mount everest her legs spread wide open to the point of no return strangely she attracted every sherpa between paris and rome whenever she exposed the smallest detail of her oversized breasts which exploded if anybody touched them except when you played tennis using big balls filled with kangaroo dung and toothpaste elsewhere there was was large crowds myself included watching beautiful plumes of lesbians from libya perform strange feats using their bottoms and bottles of cider shoved inside her derriere which felt so sticky due to lack of substantial lubricant causing massive blockages to everyone except charlie sheen who's involved with everything dangerous in america except kellys pungent wet minge but then luckily jack farted because he'd eaten ozzy,s huge steaming curry sauce without fireproof underpants leading to explosive situations in my understated back pack which concealed carried over illegal drugs which were stolen from pete doherty and james bond which they regreted deeply but nevertheless continued to plant many kilos of heroin and cocaine in the glove compartment of my lada convertible which can hold up to fifty little smokes easily hidden under the narcotics stash which was firmly held between her ample thighs interestingly kelly thought why cant my brother understand what poodles say doctor can,t help hide his hairy hands inside things like plastic cups and leather gloves so that germs cant penetrate the outer limits where sharon betrayed everybody she had ever met by sleeping with my best friend when he was depressed and narcissistic it's sad how alone people can feel when listening to morrissey and leonard cohen singing about football fans are funny because they think about cuunts which infuriates dogs when asked if mother goose is fat and lazy he will always seen what my attitude is because whatever happened to the elephant man joseph merrick because they smelt john hurt himself was sorry that he couldn't find the firmest avocado money can buy but cant buy precious stop watch and which always means that he cannot tell the time without it there on his big wrist caused by over-eating too much because he is always fat and greedycunt like that will forever be stuffing his face with chips lashed out of his mind on whisky on ice and slice of lemon meringue with cream on it,s top but sliding down the meaty chunks that tasted greasy slops which should never be served cold or hot unless she asks for it sticky style with extra ketchup and onions because mixing food with and whisky rum and other dodgy ingredients including pretzels eggs which are rotten smelly disgusting putrid after she grabbed my hairy scabby disgusting and tiny little dick which always oozes rancid rotting fishy smell that makes everyone vomit until everything has dissolved into puddles so there's nothing good left that can change whatever is glued up her tunnel which could swell to enormous proportions around my hard engorged labia and eventually that's enough of whatever you need to shove up her spacious rear until

It's bound to be a best seller..
But it needs beefing up with a touch more sex....

as co-writer i'll expect my cheque in the post!