Jokes

The woman opposite me on the train said:
"Every time you smile at me, I want to take you back to my place."
Me; "Are you single?"
"No, a dentist.

What do a lesbian and a mechanic have in common?

They both use snap-on tools.

A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.”

The son replied “Dad, I’m over here''.

My wife is brilliant. She never says no to a shag, has great tits and even swallows.

But her bird collecting has gone far enough.

A naked man was walking down the street with a woman on his back

A bloke on the other side of the road asked, "Where are you going?"

The naked man replied, "To a fancy dress party."

"What as?" asked the bemused gentleman.

"A tortoise", said the naked man.

"Well, who is the woman on your back?" said the intrigued gentleman.

"Oh, that's Michelle."

Sex on TV can’t hurt… unless you fall off.

I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only.

Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.

Want to hear a joke about my penis?

Nevermind. It’s too long.

Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.

But it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.