Jokes

I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a shit in days.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!"

I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning.

That can keep me awake for days.

I used to go out with a giraffe.

Used to take it to the pictures and that.

You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen.

It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘

Well he can take his hat off for a start

People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’

And I say, ‘I hope so

I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas.

But is she grateful? No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.