Jokes

A man goes to the doctors with a chip in one ear, a carrot in the other and a sausage up his nose.
What's the matter with me ? He asks.

Your not eating properly reples the doctor.

I bought one of those Christmas scented candles.....

Took a sniff but it just smells like burnt nose hair!

My friend has asked me to invest in his calendar factory.
I told him no because I have heard calendars days are numbered.

A friend of mine told me it’s good to keep a woman wanting more.

I haven’t let my wife finish dinner for weeks.

I asked a prostitute if I could pay her with a credit card.

She said that’s not what the slot is for.

What does a farmer have in common with my wife?

They both wake up to a cock

What does a squirrel have in common with a scrotum?

Both store nuts.

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club.

Thank you all for coming.

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in separate box.