Jokes

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex.

They're his watch dogs.

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

How did the student feel when he learned about electricity?

Totally shocked.

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.

I've started going to bed dressed in a full suit of armour.

It's the best way to get a good knights sleep!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

Did you hear they arrested the devil?

Yeah, they got him on possession.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge.
We’ll see about that.