Jokes

What is a computer’s first sign of old age?

Loss of memory.

What classic bar game do swimmers always win?

Pool.

Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?"

The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank".

My father always used to say, “In life, one door might close, but another one will open.”

He was a great philosopher. But an awful cabinet builder.

Satan welcomes the arrival of the new damned soul. “Congrats”, you’ve wasted your entire pitiful life!” He says.

“Look who’s talking,” says the man. “I’m not the one still living in my father’s basement!”

If anyone wants a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice is to apply daily.

I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation.

I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

I lost my job at the bank on my first day.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I was working on a library joke but I've shelved it for now.

A Polish immigrant goes to the optician for an eye exam.

The optician pointed to a board with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read this?!” the Polish man replies, “I work with this guy!”