Jokes

I signed up for yoga this year; turns out, I’m a natural at lying down.

My mirror and I have a great relationship—it reflects my humor.

Booked a limo for £1000, didn't even come with a driver.
All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a car park.

I won though, cause I went right for the juggler

I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,472 matches.

A guy on a tractor drove by rambling something about how the end of the world is upon us.

I think it was Farmer Geddon

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge £1000 for it.

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

My cloning experiments have finally paid off.
I'm so excited I'm beside myself.

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a bit of a pain in the neck.