Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror V

Homer: D'oh! I mean, hey...
Bart: [hands Homer a newspaper] Good morning, Father dear. Hope you're well.
Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?
Homer: Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan... whoo hoo! I hit the jackpot. (sits down) Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What's a donut?
Homer: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(runs downstairs and disappears back into time; outside the window, donuts start falling from the sky)
Marge: Hmm... it's raining again.

Family Guy Season 9 Episode 12 The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair

[Peter prank calling Joe]
Joe: Who is this?
Peter: Wheelie, wheelie Stupid head, bet you wish that you were dead!!
Joe: Listen!! I don't know who this is, but you better cut it out, am a cop, you know.
Peter: Oh what, you're gonna report me on your can't walkie-talkie!!
Joe: Am gonna hang up now.
Peter: No, no, wait wait wait!! I got three more of these I wrote on a napkin.
Joe: [sighs] All right, three more.

[A bit later]

Peter: 'cuse, me Lois, I have to go make a phone call [gets up and walks out of the room, dials phone, off screen] Hey, Wheelie Stupid head, heard you think Meg like ya!!
Joe: WHO IS THIS!! HOW ARE YOU GETTING THIS INFORMATION!!!!

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Russell Franklin: You think water moves fast? You should see ice. It moves like it has a mind. Like it knows it killed the world once and got a taste for murder. After the avalanche, it took us a week to climb out. Now, I don't know exactly when we turned on each other, but I know that seven of us survived the slide... and only five made it out. Now we took an oath, that I'm breaking now. We said we'd say it was the snow that killed the other two, but it wasn't. Nature is lethal but it doesn't hold a candle to man.

Russell Franklin: Was that a goddamn shark broke through that door?
Carter Blake: I expect so.
Russell Franklin: You expect so? Huh. Well, well, well. Am I the only asshole down here who thinks that a tad bit odd?
Russell Franklin: It can do that? Bust through a steel door?

The Devils Advocate (1997):

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does he do, i swear for his own amusement, his own private gag reel, he sets the rule in opposition. Its the goof of all time. Look but dont touch. Touch but dont taste. Taste but dont swallow. Ahha. And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, whats he doing?. He's laughing his sick fuckin ass off!. He's a tight ass, He's a sadist, He's an absentee landlord!. Worship that?. NEVER."

John Milton - Al Pacino

Family Guy

Stewie Griffin: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois Griffin: WHAT!
Stewie Griffin: Hi.
[Runs off giggling]

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: She Ain't Heavy (2005)

Will: Dee Dee? Hold on. It's for you, man.
Carlton: Hello? Oh, hi Kelly. All ready for tomorrow night's big soriree? What do you mean you can't go? What kind of medical reason? A pimple? Kelly, that's no reason to stay home. Look, I have a pimple. Actually, I have two. Hello?

[About his date, Claudia]
Will: Cornflake, come on, come with me, man. You push her in. I'll flush.

Blade II (2002)

[While Damaskinos lair]
Scud: [laughs, snickers, to Reinhardt] Oh!! I'm sorry man, [to Blade] B!! Your wasting your time, man. The bomb's a dud, it was never suppose to explode, it was just suppose to make you *feel in control*.
Reinhardt: Thought you had me on a short lease, didn't you, Heffy [removes bomb attached from his head, big sigh, to Scud] Much better. [throws bomb to Scud, who catches it].
Scud: You see this!! [shows Blade his bottom lip, revealing a vampire tattoo] I'm one of Damaskinos' "familiars", they needed my help to bring you here to control Nomak. The old fuck, he always just bait; mean look at him. He's your only real weakest man, you may be fast, you many be strong and all that other bullshit, but in the end B, [moves towards Whistler and punches him] your just too human!!!!
Whistler: Why you little shit!
[Scud scoffs, and punches Whistler again]
Scud: You think they scope out my security system. I let them in, asshole. I practically handed them the keys!!! You heard Cue Ball, right? Pretty soon, they're all gonna be daywalkers, man. When that happens, I'd rather be a pet than cattle, you got me, B.[pauses, looks down at bomb] What you think about that, man.
Blade: [sighs] Two things. One, I been on to you, since they turned you and two, it not a dud!.
Scud: [bomb still in his right hand, dumbfouned] Oh, great!!
Whistler: [after seeing Scud blown into a million pieces] I was just starting to like him.

The Simpsons Season 4 Episode 8 New kid on the block

(While in Ruth Power's home, who is unpacking)

Ruth: I'll send Laura over to baby-sit as soon as she gets home.
Homer: Great!! Oh, er and there was something else (thinks for a moment), something I was suppose to tip-toe around.
Ruth: My divorce.
Homer: (pointing) That it!!! Whoo hoo, glad one of us remembered, that could of been embarrassing.
Ruth: Well, I know what your thinking and the answer is yes, I wanna be fixed up by one of you friends as soon as you can arrange it, after all Homer I do have the normal appetite.
Homer: (laughs) I know what you mean, just let me make sure were not talking about food.
Ruth: I'm not!
Homer: Right!! me neither (pauses) where talking about sex, right?
Ruth: Right?
Homer: I hear you loud and clear (growls playfully)

Family Guy Season 5, Episode 14 No Meals on Wheels

Lois: Peter, you been sleeping with that money for the past week, don't you think we should do something with it.
Peter: Buy a bolt and shut that trap of yours.
Lois: What?
Peter: What?