Jokes

Computer Malfunction

This blonde turns on her computer one morning at work. As it comes to life, suddenly smoke starts billowing out the back. Frantically, she calls tech support and asks, "Are you guys having a fire down there?"

How do you turn a dog into a locksmith? Stick a poker up his bum and he'll make a bolt for the door

What's the difference between a crane & a giraffe ? One's got hydraulics & the other's got high bollocks.

Was in the pub last night and saw this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked past and said "Nice legs."
She said "Do you really think so?"
I replied "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

In bed last night the wife said "if you turn out the bedside lamp I'll take it up the arse" I bet she wishes I let the bulb cool now

A guy in a bar leans over to the man next to him and says, ‘Want to hear an accountant joke?’ The man replies, ‘Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 foot tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6 foot 2 inches tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant too. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?’ The first guy says, ‘God no. Not if I’ll have to explain it twice.’

Two blondes walk into a building....
.....You'd of thought one of them would of seen it

Another Chance

One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"

"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"

“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd

I didn't believe the Doctor when he said I had OCD so I made him repeat it 24 times

What's 9 inches long & dangles infront of a cünt ? Piers Morgan's tie.