Jokes

Two nuns were riding their bikes through the backstreets of Rome. One leans over to the other and says: "I've never come this way before." The other one says, "It must be the cobblestones dear."

A letter G walks into a hexadecimal bar.The barman says "why the wrong base ?"

Every day at around 6pm on a game reserve in kenya, a pride of lions gathered near a watering hole. They did'nt drink from it and made no attempt to attack passing gazelles or zebras. Instead they just sat and watched. After a week of this, an elephant came over and asked what they were doing. The pride leader said:
"We're waiting for the early evening gnus."

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks, "What happened?" and the man explains, "Well, doctor, it's like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands, and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the darn jar open!"

You can't polish a turd,but you can add the words "fuck" & "cunt" to a joke in the hope that it will make it funny.

Roy Rogers put his cowboy boots out on the porch one night but when he went to fetch them in the following morning, he found that they had been torn to pieces. Thinking a mountain lion was to blame, he rode into town and bought a brand new pair. Once again he left them out on the porch only to have the same results the next morning. "It can only be a mountain lion" growled Roy and off he went to get revenge. Two hours later Roy returns with a carcass of a mountain lion strapped to his saddle. As he dismounted, his hired hand walks over to him and says, "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes."

A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!"

I walked up to a girl in a bar & said "you look like someone who has a boring sex life.My mission tonight is to get you drunk,take you back to my house & give you the best fuck ever" She said "my boyfriend is right behind you" "Good I'm glad I've got his support"

A Young lassie asked an ageing Scotsman:
"What exactly is under your kilt?"
"Why don't you tek ah look.? said the Scotsman.
"Och", she screamed lifting his kilt, "It's gruesome!"
"Aye" replied the scotsman, "and if you stay a few moments it'll have grue some bloody more!"

An destitute farmer and his wife were lying in bed when he leaned over and started to rub her breasts. "If only these would give milk", we could get rid of the cows."
Then he began massaging her butt."If only this would lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
At this she leaned across and started to rub his penis.
"If only this would get hard more often, we could get rid of the farmhand!"