Jokes

Have you heard about the new iPhone for sheep, its signal is good... It only needs three baas!

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All it was doing was collecting dust.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.

I needed a running start, but I made it!

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

I had to use a citrus fruit to help me wee

Don't worry though it was easy pee-sy lemon squeezy

A baker was trapped inside a burning building

He was quickly whisked away by the fireman

Why did the king go to the dentist?

To get a crown fitted

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”

The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”

So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”

The guy replies, “No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”

A little boy goes to school but bringing in a cat with him.

Teacher asks him “why did you bring your cat to school?”

The little boy replies, “Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I’m gonna eat that pussy