Jokes

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police.

He's now a seasoned veteran.

I'm recently become addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

???????????????????

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the telly.

I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now.

Coffee. It's not everyone's cup of tea.

Why don't witches wear underwear ? Because the need to grip the broom

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

What is the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.