Jokes

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

Q. Why did Bilbo Baggins always eat his lunch at noon?
A. He was a creature of hobbit.

Q. What's the robot's favourite dance move?
A. The human!

Q. I don't trust people with graph paper.
A. They're always plotting something.

Q. What did the elephants say when they were caught skinny-dipping?
A. We were told we just needed our trunks.

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.

Tell you what – never again!

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.

I thought, ”He’s trying to pull a fast one”.

A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says ”I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins.

What a turtle disaster

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist’s office.

“Hello, there,” said one. “Are you coming or going?”

“If I knew that,” said the other, “I wouldn’t be here.”

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”